#POSTS OF ALL TIME. POSTS THAT HAVE 10K NOTES. TO ME
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a personal milestone đ„ł + author's note
i finally made it đ (there is probably another 10k sitting in my drafts, but i have always tracked word count for this project as a sum of already-published installments)
also a (somewhat long) journal entry below:
â
This has been the main project in my life for almost two years, now (I started writing on 1.26.2023). It's my first proper attempt at a novel, and it's one of my first times ever posting original work anywhere đ
It's hard to say how I feel now, perhaps because I feel too much.
Where to go from here? I considered dropping the series entirely before I hit the milestone because I was very tired. In a way, I felt like I had said everything I wanted to say. But I think I also love this series a lot more than I can properly verbalize.
To be completely honest, writing this series was so lonely. To work for so long on something that I could not show to nearly anyone irl (not family, not close friends, not peers, not strangers I met who I talked to about art); to spend hundreds of hours on something that I could only ever post to a small subset of people... all of that was very lonely. I'm sure other creatives have felt this way too.
And at the same time, hearing what people on snzblr thought became probably the most potent source of happiness in my life (is that pathetic? Maybe so.) I don't think this project was self-sustaining at all; I think to some extent, I wrote it because I wanted to hear people tell me that they liked it. I realize this is a terrible and unsustainable reason to create art, but that's the truth.
On some level, though, I kept writing because I loved Y+V. They've been at the forefront at my life for almost two years now đ I spent a long time teaching myself how to write them, and a lot of the themes & choices in the series are quite personal. Embarrassingly, I still want to talk about Y+V all the time.
When I posted to ask if I could send my unfinished/unpolished WIPs, some people reached out to offer to read them... and then I never sent anything over to anyone. I think a part of me could not get it through my head that people would be willing to read something completely unpolished, because... well, frankly, a lot of my drafts are just pretty unreadable; I typically only post things that I have already cleaned up. More importantly, I felt like sending my drafts to peopleâeven people who had given me explicit permission to send them!âwas selfish and troublesome.
On some level, I also felt the same about asking others to brainstorm with me: I felt like I was asking them a favor which I did not know how to pay back. Perhaps this is just another way in which I have been cruel/uncharitable to myself, but I never imagined people enjoying receiving my drafts. I could never convince myself that for those people, giving feedback/discussing ideas might not actually be a chore. I was always scared to make writing less of a lonely process because I could only think about how easy it would be for me to ask too much.
This is probably the most honest I've been about this particular subject đ I am not good at gauging what constitutes 'too much.' I feel like I can get carried away when someone expresses interest, so I try to preemptively position myself as someone who does not impinge on others... I think that even outside of this series, I have defaulted to this pattern of trying to give and trying not to ask. In that particular sense, I am perhaps to blame for my own loneliness.
Anyways! Recently, I've gone back to (tentatively) writing after months of not writing. I'm not sure if I will post another installment here (maybe if the drafts are 'good enough', I will?), but it's nice to write without worrying so much that what I am writing needs to be publishable/presentable.
If you have ever left tags/comments on my work, and you are reading this, I am grateful beyond words to you for keeping me company + for making me feel like what I was spending so much time on was a little more meaningful :') I always go back to reread them when I'm in need of encouragement. Thank you sincerely for the happiness. â€ïž
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âDo you think seahorses write fpregâ and the many other riveting things my friend texts me right before I go to work
#snips of shit#pregnancy mention#suggestive#love Anna with all my heart but she makes me laugh at the worst times#edit: people mentioning this is an old tumblr post. I have not seen it before. my friend mightâve been referencing it#I didnât find out there was another post until 10k notes in
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[ID: A digital painting of Kalluz and Zeb, kissing in bed. They are both wearing comfortable clothes, and Zeb is under the covers, while Kallus leans down over him to kiss him, with one hand braced on the bed beside them. Zeb holds onto his arms. Both have peaceful expressions, and the image is highlighted and shaded with deep blues, purples, and teals.
The second image is a black and white mini comic of Ezra and Sabine. Ezra grabs Sabine by the shoulders with a vacant, troubled expression, and he says âSabine.â She looks back at him in irritated confusion and replies âWhat.â In the next panel, Ezra looks up to meet her eyes with a wide, distressed expression and explains: âIf Zeb and Kallus kissed theyâd have a complete beard.â Sabine stares back at him with wide eyes, and a horrified, disgusted expression. End ID.]
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Bonus:
#IM SORRY I AM HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER OVER THIS OH MY GOD#THEIR FACES ARE SO HORRIFIED I HAD TO STOP A CONVO I WAS HAVING TO CACKLE#THIS IS SO GOOD. THIS IS SO GOOD#SABINE.#star wars rebels#swr#fan art#kalluzeb#THEY HAVE A COMPLETE BEARD I GHLKSHGKJDG#also the colored art piece is so pretty look at those colorsssss#the cool and warm tones oughhhh#POSTS OF ALL TIME. POSTS THAT HAVE 10K NOTES. TO ME#described#OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST WDYM IT WAS IN MY DRAFTS ALL ALONG#I BASED A STARHAB JOKE OFF OF THIS POST#SWR FAVE
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I started reading Dungeon Meshi last week, became instantly charmed and captivated, and blitzed through the entire manga in 4 days (and changed my profile picture about it). With that in mind, I would just like to say...
I love your dungeon meshi art so so much
CHILCHUCK!!!!!!!!
Thank you kindly! I love Dungeon Meshi a lot, so I'm happy to see so many people get into it for the first time.
CHILCHUCK!!!
#ask#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#I feel like chilchuck was overlooked in the pre-anime fandom a lot (which sucked as an OG chilchuck fan).#So I am thrilled by how much love he has been getting. He is a great character and so much fun to draw.#Great comedic straight man while also having some really hard hitting emotional moments.#I think he needs a union mandated vacation after this dungeon expedition -and a drink with an umbrella in it.#Veering off topic for a moment:#I started drawing this at the same time as the Dragon comic (I had chilchuck brainrot)#and since then two of my dungeon meshi comics have hit over 10k notes. Which is bonkers!#A year ago I was getting hyped over a post reaching past 100 notes...I never thought I'd be here. Thank you for all the love and support.#I may have started as a MDZS blog but drawing for Dungeon Meshi has had a huge impact on me *and* my art.#This Chilled Chuck is thus a mini celebration for a incredible milestone B*)#I'll keep my weekly dungeon meshi posts going until the season ends so please keep looking forwards to it!
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And we have our winners from the WIP poll! I will be focusing first on the following top five:
Virgin Jake x Vampire Bradley (need to flush out the society of the AU).
Speedrun Hangster Girl Dads
The Seresin family Breaks Up Sereshaw
Serial/Contract Killer Jake pampers and spoils normal Bradley
My Shifter Verse AU!
(and because I dearly love @redfurrycat, who has listened to me chitter on like a crazy person about...basically all of these, I will also be focusing on the vampire Jake x human Bradley AU, just for Red đđđ)
Once two are officially completed and posted to Ao3, then I will once again do another poll (most likely with even more and newer ideas added to it XD) and do this again to see which ones I will be focusing on then!
A post actually asking for the emojis to make me write will be going up closer to the weekend.
đđđ
#nixie personal#hangster#sereshaw#make nixie write#that post will have the rules for things like how many asks you can send in. how many emojis can be sent in. things like that#last time was just me winging it and telling people there was no limit lol i have learned from that#because a few of you took that and ran with it & I did love that because y'all had me churning out numbers I haven't hit in SO LONG#but also I now know I can't do that again đ#so from here on out#there will be a daily/weekend limit#also will probably be spacing out on answering asks#because I know I flooded the hangster tag#and SORRY if I annoyed y'all doing that#it's just how I do the tags on my blog#ALSO complete side note#most of these will be no more than 10k. with a few exceptions.#but like. please know not all of these will be 50k+ stories#most I will be writing with the attention of capping out below 10K
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Against my better judgment, I'm posting a concept short story of vampire-christian (2.6k words. Gloriously unedited) I wrote literally yesterday because I think I'm hilarious. Here it is on WordPress if that's easier for some of you.
Actually, while I'm here, as I put on WordPress, ShamelessPlugin time of this kofi. NOT to give me money, by the way, but because I want to support a friend going on a short term missions trip (once that goal is reached, I'll refund the kofi, unless you specify not to). You can help them by sending me a kofi with a prompt or, if you prefer, donating directly to them here or reblogging the donation post I made here.
Anyway! What do I mean by concept short? It means probably not gonna remain canon-canon but it's something I write as basically an exposition dump to establish setting and possible dynamic with minimal narrative meat. So here you go. I love the attention but why must you kill my notes whenever I log on?
The problem with grabbing your blood in the hours no one else didâwhich is to say, in the burning daylight of afternoon, first day of the weekâwas that, sometimes, you would run into unexpected difficulties.
It wasnât anything new to Armaros that the dayâs fresh shipment of blood hadnât arrived yet when he graced the building with his presence. After all, most humans and a good number of supernaturals did their work in the day, so there was no reason to deliver the shipment of fresh blood to the Vida en Bolsa building too early. Especially when most of the creatures who needed it came in after the sun set.
What was new, however, was that this was the time heâd had to wait with the only other person being the new receptionist.
Right now, she was scratching away at a notebook and typing something on the computer behind the reception desk in the small waiting room. It was what she was doing every time he came to Vida en Bolsa, which was every week.
Usually, their interaction would go something like:
âHelloâŠIâm here to receive my donationâŠâ
âGood afternoon! Good to see you again, Armaros! Yep, your shipment of blood should be here, maybe being unloaded into the fridge, but name and DNI number?â
Short response here.
âPerfect! Just wait here and Iâll go grab it for you!â
He would mutter a thanks, give her the bag where he could carry his blood subtly, and watch as she skirted around the half-circle reception desk and ran to the door opposite far left of the entrance. Then, sheâd come back and hand him the bag now heavy with a weekâs worth of blood bags.
Sheâd mutter a cheery, âGod bless you!â like it didnât make Armaros flinch every time, and that would be it.
That was a good routine. Armaros wished that routine could always be kept.
But alas, this was Spain. And even after five-hundred years, the virtue of punctuality was one that they still sorely failed to improve onâmaybe it had been a more punctual culture when he was still technically alive, but years in the present had made the far past fade somewhat.
Nevertheless, typical Spanish lateness had been the cause of the apologetic, âLooks like theyâll be late again with todayâs shipmentâ from the receptionist.
Speaking of, actually, Armaros assumed that Chae-ryeong was a receptionist. Or maybe distributer to the beneficiaries would be the right word for it? She seemed to do quite a few other things, if the forms on her computer were anything to go by.
The problem was, every time he walked past the buildingâwhich was often, even when not stopping for bloodâhe would see her form sat at the desk. Daylight or twilight, she was justâŠthere.
Armaros wondered if she ever slept or ate or took breaks. The woman had bags under her eyes as permanent as her half-smile. The hair Armaros assumed was supposedly to be the typical straight, black, and strong East Asian hair was always in a frizzy (and more often than not, greasy) mess. And truth be told, whenever he spoke with her, the scent of her blood seemed to sometimes lack the distinct iron quality that most healthy blood should possess, which wouldnât be that alarmingâanemia signs otherwiseâexcept that she was specifically working at Vida en Bolsa.
Personality wise, Chae-ryeong was the perfect receptionist. Appearance wise, she looked like sheâd been run over by one of the delivery trucks he sometimes spotted in the parking lot.
âHmâŠâ Chae-ryeong suddenly broke the silence.
Five-hundredish years of life had still not trained Armaros to not flinch at the sound of another human voice. Especially when the owner of the voice was looking at him looking at her.
He blinked back, fighting not to break his stare.
âSorry, did you say something?â Armaros questioned her.
âŠwhy did I start a conversation? he yelled internally. Curse meâŠno. Iâm already cursed. I canât bless me eitherâwait, sheâs saying something.
He could have just pretended to be asleep or something.
Chae-ryeong, still wearing her usual half-smile, shook her head. âNo, not technically,â he caught her saying. âI was just wondering at you staring at me, but maybe you were just bored like I was?â
Well, yes. He was bored. But boring was good. Boring was silent and peaceful andâwait, why was she bored?
ââŠarenât you working on something though?â he asked her, briefly eyeing the laptop next to her covered in a weird assortment of stickers.
âWell, yesâŠbut it is rather boring,â Chae-ryeong easily replied, the picture of nonchalance. âItâs just some work for another thing Iâm doing, anyway. So why were you staring at me? Or were you just bored?â
âI, uhâŠâ Armaros stammered, trying to follow the gunshots of conversation. âIâm not bored? I was justâŠwondering if you ever slept, since I walk around the neighbourhood a lot and always see you at your desk.â
âŠthat wasnât rude to say, right?
âHa! Come on. Iâm twenty-four!â Chae-ryeong scoffed, grinning at Armaros. âUh. I think. BUT ANYWAY! I still have, like, a year left before my brain starts deteriorating. Who needs sleep when youâre young!?â
Armaros wanted to argue that he was five centuries old and still very much needed sleep. But he was the vampire awake in broad daylightâthe time he should be sleeping in. Plus, he didnât know much about human biology now, soâŠ
His mouth didnât seem to agree with his brain, as he found himself muttering, âUhâŠI donât think thatâs how itânever mind.â
âNah, itâll be great,â Chae-ryeong assured him. âBut yeahâŠcome to think about it, I do work an absurd amount of hours here, donât I?â
The expectant eye she was giving Armaros withered him a little bit as he felt himself forced to continue the conversation. âUmâŠhow come you work that long?â
Chae-ryeong huffed. âWell, my parents are friends of the managers of this branch of Vida en Bolsa. And after their last few receptionists quit on them, I offered to take the positions until they found someone...s new. Itâs great. I can do my masterâs homework, be surrounded by blood, talk with vampires that sometimes want to eat me, serve God in some form of ministry, and earn money. Lots of it, too, given how Iâm working almost all the shifts.â
âThat soundsâŠunhealthy,â Armaros commented, at loss at what to say.
Was that rude? Judging someone he barely knew?
âOh, it absolutely is! But if I ever need a blood transfusion, at least Iâll be in good hands with the medics here!â was her cheerful reply.
It was then when Chae-ryeong shut her laptop.
Armaros wanted to die, except he was already dead. Her shutting her laptop means sheâs invested in this conversation. Send help, he cried internally.
âThatâsâŠnot really what I meantâhey, are you anemic?â he suddenly asked, catching a whiff of her scent with his enhanced senses. âOh, uh. I ask because you always smell slightly lessâŠmetallic than most people.â
The woman rested her arms on the desk, tapping her fingers and wheeling her chair slightly back and forth, attention all on him. âOohâŠso vampires can smell that. Some of the others who come in the night shift tell me that too, but yeah, I am.â
âDoesnât that make working hereâŠunsafe? Hungry vampires can beâŠâ he trailed off, forgetting the word he wanted to use to express the state of hungry vampires. He sunk deeper in his chair, knowing he should just stand and make the short trek to one of the chairs nearer to the reception desk butâŠnot wanting to.
Well, Chae-ryeong seemed comfortable where she was as well, atrocious posture and all. And she didnât seem to mind their distance either as she bobbed her head. âYep! But who ever said ministry was safe?â
âErmâŠâ
Armaros didnât really get it, but ChristiansâCatholic, Orthodox, Protestant, whatever other thing there was these days that believed in the triune God and the cross and resurrection thingâthey were a weird lot. After all, they were the first group to establish a blood donation system for the supernaturals who needed it despite their entire nature being lethal to his kind.
âWellâŠif it works for you, I guess,â he passively answered back.
âIt does! I usually can take short naps during the slow hours. Most of the vampires already know me now and are nice enough to wake me up if I oversleep,â Chae-ryeong blissfully blabbered on.
âCan you even oversleep in your current lifestyle?â Armaros asked doubtfully.
âYep! I usually get four good hours, but sometimes I overshoot to seven or eight from morning till afternoon!â
ââŠI see.â
âWhat about you? Youâre pretty much the only Monday daylight regular,â Chae-ryeong offered him a question, something Armaros really hadnât needed. âI mean, you say you see me when you stroll around, but I also see you a lot out in the sun. Isnât that unsafe?â
âYesâŠit is,â Armaros said, struggling to explain. âButâŠI enjoy taking walksâŠespecially to stores. Theyâre never open in the night.â
âAhâŠright. Why donât you move to the nearby city, then?â Chae-ryeong suggested. Armaros noticed her head still bobbing slightly from earlier. âPlaces like Valencia have most of their establishments open at night for the nocturnal supernaturals. Smaller cities like ours donât have lots of those, though I think we have a good number of them! I know the center has almost all the stores and the major groceries open in the twilight hours, at least.â
ââŠwell, itâs not something that appealed to me.â
âMakes sense to me!â Chae-ryeong accepted easily.
They lapsed into silence, with Armaros aware that Chae-ryeong was looking at him, as if desperately wanting to ask a question. Sometimes, he wished he hadnât become more aware of social cuesâŠ
âSorry. Iâm not great with conversations,â he said. âButâŠdo you want to ask something?â
Chae-ryeong perked up, at least as much as one could without changing the permanent expression on their face. âActually, yeah! But it might be rudeâŠmost of the vampires Iâve asked werenât really willing to answerâŠor even let me ask when I mentioned it pertained to Christianity. Can I ask it anyway?â
No???
âSureâŠthis is a mission, after all.â
Why was he this way?
Well, she seemed happy at the allowance? Maybe? Again. Hard to tell.
 âTo be honest, I just kind of am curious about how the whole Christianity thing and vampires works. I know vampires stay away from churches and the whole lot because, well, it literally hurts their very being. But likeâŠI donât know. A vampire classmate and friend of mine were talking and sheâs always wondered how things would have gone if sheâd lived during the time of Christ and had bit Him, capital H.â
âŠIâm having hearing issues, right? Armaros told himself. There was no way the receptionist had justâ
He straightened, if only to lean forward and ask the woman, âSorry?â
ââŠitâs a weird question, isnât it?â Chae-ryeong acknowledged. And if she wasnât wearing her polite half-smile, it would have sounded apologetic, but she was wearing it and the acknowledgment sounded tooâŠnonchalant?
âI, uhâŠno. Iâm really asking,â Armaros said, just to save himself the trouble of trying to admit anything.
âOh, then my question was aboutâwell, I donât know if you believe in God, actually. But Christian items still hurt you, right? SoâŠsay you do. What would have happened if you had bitten Jesus Christ while He lived and drunk His holy blood.â
âŠhuh.
This was a bit of a belated observation, but the new receptionistânew being relative given that sheâd already been here for nearly two monthsâwas insane, wasnât she?
âI, uhâŠwell.â
Chae-ryeong nodded in understanding. âYeah. Thatâs about the response of the other vampires willing to consider the question.â
She didnât seem disappointed, either. If anything, she looked resigned. And Armaros dearly wanted to ask, âResigned to what?! What are you resigned to?! What kind of crazy question is that, woman? I just want my weekâs worth of blood, please! Please donât make me change to a 42-days shipment order!â
But he didnât say any of that because he knew better.
Rather, Armaros did his best to sit back properly and meet Chae-ryeongâs curious dark eyes, glinting in the summer evening sunlight withâŠsomething expectant, maybe? With that, he found his mouth opening without his permission again.
âWell, most vampires believe in God. The ones who donât, uhâŠdonât really end up living that long, to be honest. Some out of spite, others because they donât reallyâŠtake precautions for their safety. Some are still alive, I mean,â Armaros explained, feeling more and more self-conscious and doing his best not to pray (lethal idea) for the blood delivery truck to come already.
âThe thing is, we donât haveâŠfaith in God, you know? That might kill us, after all,â Armaros explained. His smile wasnât too strained, was it? âSo we justâŠI mean. Iâve never thought of that question? Maybe it would have killed us? I mean, Iâm pretty sure a true Christianâs blood is lethal to us, soââ
âWait, what?â Chae-ryeong interrupted him, her smile dropping for the first time in the conversation.
The change in expression was enough to throw Armaros into silence.
She didnât seem to mind, as she continued. âWhat was that about Christiansâ blood being lethal to a vampire?â
The question was enough to prompt the vampire to speak again, stammering out, âUhâŠoh. Um. Yeah. CauseâŠI think itâs some theological principle?â He honestly knew even less about it.
A lightbulb seemed to light up over Chae-ryeongâs head, or maybe that was the setting sunâhang on, didnât that mean it was nearly 9PM?
Armaros subtly tried to glance at the big owl-shaped clock on the wall in the reception area, which did confirm his suspicion that heâd been here almost an hour and a half.
âWell, huhâŠI guess now I know why that threat worked,â he thought he heard Chae-ryeong mutter to herself.
ThatâŠdefinitely didnât sound like it was meant to be said aloud, so he simply decided to let it go.
âHello?â another voice startled them out of their musings.
They both turned to the speaker, a woman who looked to be in her late thirtiesâbrown hair, Mediterranean complexion, healthy blood, maybe recently sick, also carrying a clipboard.
Chae-ryeongâs smile immediately returned as she waved out her greeting. âHi, Sandra! How are you?â
The woman smiled at Chae-ryeong, slightly false but not unkindly. âVery tired. Sorry about the delivery being so late today. Do you want some help unloading it?â
âOh, sorry to hear that. I hope you can go home to rest.â
âI know I will!â
âAnd now, donât worry about unloading. Carla, Leo, and Adele are already taking care of it, see?â
Three pairs of gazes turned outside to see an older woman and two youths in their twenties starting to unload crates from the white and red truck parked just in front of the entrance. One of the womenâAdele, Armaros recognized from her dirty blonde hairâwaved when she spotted their gazes.
Armaros just stared ahead, like he hadnât seen them.
Honestly, he didnât think he could take any more interaction at this point. ThankâŠnot God. But thank goodness that he could now move on from this evening.
âArmaros, do you want your blood delivery now?â Chae-ryeongâs voice interrupted his relief.
He tensed again and nodded. âThanks, yes.â
#well#if you reached the end of this 2.6k exposition dump i applaud you#and thank you sincerely too!#i like to complain about attention because it gives me a heart attack every time and as a rule i dislike it#but i would be silly to not be grateful for genuine positive interactions that i get to see on the notes#by the way....you all ARE free to take this concept and run away with it you know?#like i am pretty sure it is not an original idea#but yes#lemon duck quacks#for the words!#and on the missions trip support....if friend does give me permission to post their gofundme i might just make a tumblr post for it#and if any of you would like to be tagged to signal boost it let me know :p#again....i feel SO AWKWARD ABOUT ASKING FOR SUPPORT...even if its not for me#that actually helps#also to specify on the short story more.....i'm still not writing an actual short short story series for this#unless og post reaches 10k notes#or unless enough people press upon me with their sincerity (and i have genuine time for it) because i am so easy sometimes#lemon duck tales
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this website has Gotta stop 1) platforming loud, unapologetic bigots and 2) making martyrs of said bigots when their blogs get nuked
#esp on a website that encourages people to inform someone if the op of whatever post is a bigot of some kind#this reminds me of when pissvortex got terminated for whatever reason and everyone was weeping and wailing about it#as if the guy didnt have a history of being Constantly racist towards (and about) black people. like all the damn time.#figure yourselves out is what i'm tryna say#esp when a post with 10k notes (so far) is reporting that a particular blog got nuked when said blogger was a whole genocide denier#rambles
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So, a balance of my first ever NaNo:
My final word count was a humble 21,964
(However if I were to count Thursdayâs 3K+ writing session, Iâd be at 25,380 words⊠but Nano was over by then lol)
I started out strong and quickly fell off track! I think by Day 7 I was already so upset at not meeting word counts, it was affecting my joy, so I decided to soft quit. I found it ridiculous that I was tuning into the story every day and either drafting a few hundred words, doing good research, fleshing out side characters, or creating graphics, and yet I felt like I was failing because I wasnât drafting enough. I wanted the freedom to consider all of those things successes, as I wouldâve in any other circumstance, so I stopped trying to hit any word counts at all.
(This might already be an existing way of âdoing Nanoâ that I donât know of, so forgive me if Iâm reinventing the wheel here. I didnât mean to đ
)
However~
All in all, I count it as a resounding success!
I have a lot of content under my belt, and I can now answer a ton of the questions I mentioned in an earlier post!
My setting is a middle-sized, touristic town in California, modeled after mainly Capitola, Santa Cruz, and maybe others from the Central Coast of California.
The actionâs set slightly in the past, starts around 2006
I got a lot of research done on surfing and got a couple of athletes I can base my deuteragonist off of (mostly Erin Brooks and Alex Fry)
And I plan on being open and having fun with POV changes: I might still do random head popping all through the book, but my heartâs now set on adding more POVâs towards the last parts of the book to signify the MC opening up to the world and learning to trust others, via us getting to read what people think first-hand (thanks @yary-t for the great references and reassurance!)
(Also I came to write this post two days ago, got distracted tallying the word count, and ended up in the writing session that produced those 3K+ words. So, again, a resounding success.)
#Nanowrimo#took me through emotional extremes#from âlife is perfect and nothing hurtsâ and âIâm gonna do it Iâm gonna dust off my parentsâ analog camera to see what my MC sees when she#takes photos. watch ALL the YouTube videos of people renovating vintage cameras make a million moodboards and write 10K on the same day"#to âIn the course of this experience I have discovered I am the first person alive with no value whatsoever. weirdâ#but most normally a shaky âIâll do better tomorrow *tomorrow is worse*â#also I did write on paper a few times. and on my phone notes a lot. and I didnât count those words#writing#surot#wip surot#s#nano wip#my posts#this is now a wip diary âĄ
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i had not seen the "durge/astarion is canon!" post until earlier today with that discord screenshot and honestly ... a writer being like "i managed to shove in all this extra content for astarion/dark urge, but then we simply ran out of time for the other characters" is not good, actually. that doesn't mean your ship is the most canon. it means that astarion kept getting extra attention and other companions kept getting neglected. that other companions simply do not have the amount of content astarion has is not a good thing, it is a bad thing.
and like i'm saying this as someone who really loves astarion/durge. it's unplatable to me and that larian writers are sitting in fan discords going "yeah we just didn't do that for other characters but somehow i found the time for this!" is kind of gross to me
#added the scene tally for context bc this isn't even *just* a durge problem let me know if you want it off the post op#tbh i wasn't even surprised anymore by just how much more content ast*rion had compared to everyone else#larian - for whatever reason - had decided to make him their poster child and writers' pet for the entirety of ea already#so to have it be the same at release was#not surprising#what was surprising though is that they didn't even *try* to even out the content the others had#the difference in quantity and quality and just overall care is so stark#to have it confirmed by one of the main writers and apparently NARRATIVE LEAD DESIGNERS whose job it is to oversee EVERYONE'S development#is... Disappointing to say the very least#to have a writer say sorry#we didn't time and resources for any of the others#but we miraculously have the time to plan storyboard write record and animate them all for ast*rion is Truly Amazing#and instead for the takeaway for the fandom in general from this confirmation to be like#1) see that the writers had to work under crunch and address that#and 2) to be shocked at the disparity of treatment of their own characters from larian and one of their lead designers#the reaction is to celebrate a character and a ship that has been vastly preferred over several others for literal years despite feedback#and take it as confirmation that's it's âcanonâ and that post has 10k notes#it's absolutely insane to me#like how many wires does thirsting over this character cross for you lol#anyhow once i've wrapped up my own durge pt#which i don't even want to touch anymore because the reactivity of EVERYONE excluding ast*rion just isn't there lmao#even if bhaal kills you in front of you li and friends#i will write up a feedback report to larian#because i honestly don't find that acceptable and that is the only way to really get them to perhaps change anything in a definite edition#or patch#vg: baldur's gate 3#series: baldur's gate#bg3 critical#discourse for ts
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I donât owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. Theyâre always passing urges, but itâs disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brainâs spent so long thinking only about suicide that itâs forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But Iâm trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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going back through my "posts that have 10k to me" tag to see how wisely i have invested my notes in the past
#how beautiful it is to tag something#posts that have 10k to me#and then going back#and seeing#that like an acorn you planted several decades ago#that post is now a great oak tree#versus when you see one that still has under 10k#and you're like ah i am a genius unrecognized in my time#but i still believe one day you will have 10k notes all posts that i have tagged as such#if no one believes in you then i am dead
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I have hacked the mainframe (Inspect Element) (UPDATED FOR HALLOWEEN BOOP WAR)
MAX - 1000
LOL - 1500
OMG - 2000
WOW - 4000
*-* - 5000
WHY - 6000
PLZ - 7000
AAA - 7500
;_; - 8000
0_0 - 8500
T_T - 9000
MAX - ~9200? (Hard to tell, I've overshot this twice already)
BOO - 9500
TUM - 10000 given
BLR - 10000 received
How to Super Boop
On desktop, hover your mouse over the Boop button for around 5 seconds, and it will do 2 spins.
Once the button is done spinning, click on it and you can send a Super Boop!
EVIL BOOPS can be accessed by allowing the animation to play 3 times before clicking
One way to get Super Boops on mobile is using a web browser to access tumblr. Use "Desktop Site"/"Desktop Mode", then click and hold the button to send the boop. That'll convert it to a Super Boop button. It seems pretty inconsistent though.
For all clicking enthusiasts, do click this too, trust me, it's just as satisfying
Omg thanks everyone for the boops, I've been butterfly clicking the boop button for so many different people for the past 6 hours and I'm exhausted
I'm pretty sure this is also my most engaged post on any platform I've ever used, thanks for all the RBs and likes <3 <3 <3
If anyone's crazy enough to try reaching 10k without an autoclicker, here's what I did
Ok, one more tutorial for the boops before I go to bed for real.
How do I check my exact given and received boop count?
NOTE: You'll need to refresh the page to update the counters, unless there's another method to check the live count
Chrome
Go to your dash ("home" tab).
Press f12, or right click and select "Inspect Element"
In the window that pops up, click on "Sources" then "dashboard" under "www.tumblr.com" (Pic below for reference)
In the window showing the code, press Ctrl+F and type in either "givenCount" or "receivedCount".
Ta da! (Pic below for reference)
Firefox
Go to your dash ("home" tab).
Press f12, or right click and select "Inspect Element (Q)"
In the window that pops up, click on "Debugger", then "Sources" and "dashboard" under "www.tumblr.com" (Pic below for reference)
In the window showing the code, press Ctrl+F and type in either "givenCount" or "receivedCount".
Enjoy formatting (Pic below for reference)
Gonna take a break from Tumblr for now, my fingers are in shambles and I'm pretty sure I can hear the mouse clicks echoing around inside my skull. Thanks to everyone for making this random Singaporean guy's day, mbrine signing out! â€
Here's a link to A vetted Palestinian family fundraiser masterpost by @/el-shab-hussein and A masterpost on how you can help Palestine
Happy April Fool's Day!
October 31st changelog:
Removed "bait links", now the link actually says where it directs to
Updated some info regarding tiers
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Could you maybe do the jjk men with a brat reader?
Ëââ§ê°á !! BRAâźTâźAMER !! à»ê± â§âË | jjk men
âżê«¶ á©škento, satoru, suguru, sukuna & toji Ă taming their bratty baby
contents: JJK men x fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - size differences - brat taming - fingering (f! receiving) - oral (m! receiving) - manhandling - shibari; rope bondage - sex toys - impact play (p + a slapping) - Daddy kink - overstimulation - unprotected sex (psa: wrap it up, or get tf up) - more stuff specified in their respective perspectives - mentions of drool/spit, pain, and tears.
word count: 3.8k
a. note: my first multi-chara post to celebrate 10k, yippeee!! lmk how i did ( âąâĄ-)-â©
ââ âż Nanami Kento âź sex in a public space; office room - thigh riding - fingering (f! receiving) - clitoral play (pressing and pinching) - orgasm denial - pet names (baby, [my] love, sweetpea).
âTaaahhh, Kentooo, more, moooreâŠâ
All you had to do was be good, not cause too much trouble for your boyfriend in his place of work, and be patient.
So why does your man have to pull you aside to one of the offices of Jujutsu Tech to correct you?
âYouâre not supposed to be enjoying yourself, love. Especially after that stunt you pulled a few minutes ago.â
Nanami pressed you against a wall, his arms caging you and a leg between yours. After a rather inappropriate display of affection, you had showcased to one of the faculty members he was speaking withâpoor Ijichiâhe grabbed your wrist and stormed inside to find the quietest area to deal with you. What is supposed to be a talk on your childish antics turned intoâŠyou riding his thigh?
He doesnât know why or how it happened; one moment, he was lecturing you on how indecent your behavior was (in a school, no less!), and then he watched your attention drift downward, away from his chocolate eyes to the tan pants. Your hips slowly come to and fro, sliding your groin on the hard surface of his thigh. He catches on after the third or fourth thrust, the tone of this conversation dialing to a more intimate connotation.Â
Your hands grab hold of his blazer, shaky huffs escaping your lips. âOhhh, Kentooo,â you purr with a bitten lip. âYou feel so goodâŠâ
âIs this what you wanted?â The blonde man comes to your ear to whisper and shivers crawl up your spine as you nod. He brings a hand to cup and squish your cheeks. âBut explain why you were playing with my belt in front of my peers, my love?â
âBecause,â you drop your head on his chest, the rhythm ace of your hips going a bit faster. âYou're supposed toâMmmm!âgive meâŠattention.âÂ
âYeah?â He chews on your ear, and a soft gasp exits your mouth. âDoesnât mean you have to do stuff like that, honey; it makes me look bad.â
You giggled. âYou know how much I love to see your reactions, babe. Itâs funnyâEeyaah!â
âWell, Iâm not laughing,â Nanamiâs hand glided down to your skirt, lifting it to touch your groin covered by underwear, and itâs not surprising to feel a damp spot getting wetter. âIâve told you multiple times to be patient.â
âIâŠIâI canât help it!â He shushes you as your voice gets a bit louder, but thatâs expected when his thick fingers press hard on your clit. âWhenever Iâm with you, I want to be theâfuckâthe only thing you care aboutâŠâ
Nanami kisses your cheek faintly, and you melt to the kiss as his fingers slither inside your panties. âYou know I always care about you,â his middle finger teasing your labia and getting covered by your slick. âAnd when itâs just us two, I always know how to treat you right, huh?â
âYessss,â you sigh heavenly; the feel of his digit teasing your entrance have you giddy, and his thumb brushing and pressing up on your clit makes you jitter. âOhhh, Ken, right thereâŠâ
âWhatâs that, sweetpea?â He gently pinches your bud with his thumb and fore, and you grip his blazer as reins. âWant me to care for my baby like I know how?â You slam your lips onto his; he groans and permits the kiss, sucking on your tongue while his fingers curl and erupt moans of pleasure for him to drink. You separate to pant heavily, and he says: âTell me, my love.â
Oh, God, yes! The bucks of your hips get faster. âYess, pleaseeeâŠ!â
He huffs with a tiny smile. âWell, not right now.â
âŠ.Huh?
Nanami removes his fingers from your skirt and immediately removes himself from you, wiping your essence with his tongue and handkerchief. âLike I said, you must be patient to get what you want.â
Wait, huh?!? âW-Wait a minute, we were,â you watch him walk to the office door. âJust gettingâŠstarted.â
âI know; I gave you a small taste of whatâs to come after my meeting,â he opens the sliding door. âUntil then, stay here and be good like I told you.â
âHold onâKento, stop!â Before he leaves, Nanami gives you a smirk, a tiny sign of victory on his part. And with the close of the door, you groan out loud for all the people of the school to hear.
ââ âż GojĆ Satoru âź oral (f! receiving) - fingering (f! receiving) - clitoral play (licking + sucking) - multiple orgasms - overstimulation - pet names (angel, baby, princess, sweetie) - mention of drool/spit.
âHaaaahshiiiit! Ahhhh, âToruuu, shtop iiiit!!â
âMmphaaâfucking God, you taste so fucking good, angel.â
Gojo is just as childish as youâdonât let the height and the intimidating aura fool you, motherfucker is a literal overgrown child. When he needs to be serious, he will deliver as the strongest sorcerer of the modern era, and his confidence and indestructible arrogance are what aid him in flying through his enemies or people who wrongfully think they can try to control him.
And that also goes for you, his little cute brat of a crybaby.
âSatâruuuu, donât suck so hâAaaahh!!â
You loved to play fire with fire with your tall boyfriend, both harboring an ego that clashes periodically. You never want to make it easy for him; heâs the strongest, after allâhe should be able to handle you! For example, one thing that Gojo canât stand when heâs with you is ignoring him. You want to get him really on his nerves? Just ignore him as best as you can! And thatâs what you did, walking around your shared apartment, not coming to him when he calls or listening to music on full blast while scrolling on your phone until he snatches it off your head.
Orâand this is the bestâmoving away from him whenever heâs affectionate towards you. Oh, it messes with his head! He puts an arm around you? Scoot out of his reach. Wants to hold hands with you? Nonchalantly remove yours and act like youâre checking your nails. Pulling you in for a hug and kiss? Suck your teeth and put your hand on his expecting lips, and move somewhere else to really add salt to the wound.
It leaves him shellshock, gawking at your figure walking away from himâand you know his expressions must be golden. But heâs not dumbâhe knows what game youâre playing. And, most certainly, two can play that game.Â
âGaahhh, nnnhh, y-yoâr tongueâGhhhh!â
Gojo knows youâre putting him through this trivial hell for your enjoyment because heâll come crawling right back to you for attention. And he willâŠand heâll do it in a manner you hadnât envisaged tenfold.
He pulled you by the legs on the living room couch, hearing you giggle as he stripped you off your leggings and underwear. It started smallâkisses and light nibbles on your inner thighs, spreading your legs for access. You peer down to his snow-haired head, grinning in triumph as you finally get what you want.
HoweverâŠthereâs a catch.
Gojoâs tongue feverishly tongues you down, nestling the wet muscle in between the lips of your labia. His saliva and your come blend with the swishes of his tongue and is then sucked into his mouth. Your body quakes from the commotion of your boyfriend eating you out so ceaselessly, his nose bumping into the hood of your clitoris.
âFuuuck, baby, you taste too good!â
 ââToru, stop iiit, itâs too muuuch!â You shake your head thatâs pounding relentlessly. âI came three times already!â
âEhhh, but this is what you wanted, right?â He loves the way you shudder as he licks and flicks your clit. âWanted me to treat you like a princess, huh?â
You writhe as he blows and spits on your messy cunt, yet the hands on the back of your knees keep you aground to the couch. âNnnmph, nânot like thisss, one was enoughâIâm gonna breakâŠ!â You nearly choke on your drool as Gojo sucks on your clit roughly. âD-DonâtâŠ! FuuuhuhuuckâŠ!!â
The white-headed man lifts his face to look at you, watching your expressions and wailing cries as he stuffs his fingers to please you. âAwww, whatâs wrong, sweetie?â The blunt of his fingertips scraping your texture has you moaning aloud. âThink youâll cum again?âÂ
You babble and nod so frantically; God, you were too adorable for him.
âMmmm, I donât know,â the sing-song tune meant to patronize as Gojoâs fingers go faster. âIâm still kinda hurt you avoided five of my kisses today,â he returns his face to your chasm. âBut if you can cum for me five times, all is forgiven, princess~.â
âBuâBut I canâtâŠ!â Teeth find your bottom lip to chew once he stuffs his mouth back onto you, latching his lips to slurp more of your fluids with a firm hold on your knees. âIâll breaaaakâŠ!â
âThatâs exactly what I want!â
ââ âż GetĆ Suguru âź shibari; rope bondage (boxtie) - fingering (f! receiving) - sex toy; clit vibrator - finger sucking - clitoral play - overstimulation - pet names (baby, pumpkin, sweetie).
Do you really think a man who raised two girls on his own doesnât know how to handle a minx like you?
âHahhhh, ohmyGâMmmph! Suguru, pleaseeeââ
âShhh, quiet, baby. Or they might hear you.â
Letâs be honest with ourselvesâif anything, he likes it when you try him like this.
If Gojo was overgrown child #1, then Geto is second in proclaiming that title. However, unlike Gojo, heâs not going to come to your level and try to one-up you in your gameâno, no, no; thatâs not his style of play. Instead, Geto aims to bring you down from your high horse and humble you.
You experience it firsthand after trying to badmouth him earlier, calling him some stupid nicknames that arenât appropriate for his cult members to hear, doing or going places you were told not to, or whining at him for attending to his activities rather than spending time with you as he promised. You are supposed to be his top priority, and, to your dismay, you are not being top prioritized now. Hmph!Â
Of course, Geto is witness to your little tantrum, letting your childish nature reign supreme until he has the availability to deal with you. And when he does deals with youâ
âUghhh!! Fffshiiit, d-donât doo that!!â
He deals with you.
Now youâre in his quarters, stripped from your flared mini-skirt and your hands tied behind your back with shibari rope. Your back to his chest, vulnerable to him as he gropes your chest with one hand, the other in between your spread legs, fingers playing with your leaking cunt. Fingertips rub on surfaces you canât reach, and you canât help but release your cries.
He chuckles as you writhe from the rough tweeze of your nipple. âYouâre such a handful, you know that?â His hand leaves your shirt to toy with the blindfold that shields your eyes. âJust canât behave and make things easier for me, can you?âÂ
âMmmmâohhshiiit,â you throw your head after a curl to your upper vaginal wall. ââŠJ-Just because you tell me to do something, doesnât mean Iâllâohhh!âdo itâŠ!â
âAnd you wonder why youâre in this predicament.â Geto then grabs the small remote sitting idly by his side, presses a button, and the moan you let out grows predictably louder. âWoah, thatâs a nice sound!â
The vibrator thatâs held by your panties stimulates the sensitivity of your clitoris, having you gasp and wail from the intensity and your legs wanting to close. This is impossible as Getoâs ankles keep your feet apart; your feeble attempts to squirm out of his proximity only farce him. âDonât try and run now, sweetie. Gotta stay still to correct your behavior.â
ââNnnaaa, ahaha, correct me?â You titter in pants, moving your face to peer at your lover with innocent doe eyes. âYou wouldnât punishâŠme, your sweet babygirl, right?âÂ
The narrowness of his violent eyes, paired with the broad smirk, has you clamping onto his digits like crazy. Geto sighs as he removes his hand from your aching slit, your fluids coating his slender fingers before she shoves them inside your mouth. âLook at you trying to act sweet now,â you lather his fingers with your tongue, sucking on them and tasting your excess come. âWe havenât even gotten to the real punishment yet, but youâre already crying.â
Your hips sway voluntarily, your ass purposely grinding on his groin. âD-Do it, then! Iâm not scaredâDaaah!!â Geto removes his hand from your lips to travel back down, pressing on your panties to have the vibrating clit toy overwhelm your senses.
âHeh, bet you canât even last five minutes in, pumpkin.â He grinds the vibrator on your clit more.
âNnmph! Make that ten!â
He scoffs. âWeâll see.â
ââ âż RyĆmen Sukuna âź size difference (true form! kuna) - double penetration; anal and vaginal - eagle position - degradation - clitoral play (pinching) - impact play; pussy slaps - choking - unprotected sex - pet names (little toy, pet) - mention of pain and tears.
ââHaahhh, fuuuckâAaaaht!â
âShut the fuck up, little shit. You even scream like a fuck toy.â
Oh, to be a brat to the King of Curses. Indeed, you have a death wish.
Not only is Sukuna the powerful curse user of Jujutsu history, but he is also the most selfish, egotistical, and vilest man ever to walk on this Earth. People and curses around him know better than to challenge his standing, knowing that theyâd end up in minced pieces or beheaded in their first step. It is that fearful respect that Sukuna feeds on, besides cutting down on those who absurdly test him.
And you, his little consort, tested him the worst of all.
One thing that Sukuna fancies about you is your independence; itâs the thing that had him curious about you in the first placeâit beats someone clinging onto him and seeking comfort in his personal space. The problem, however, is how that said independence has its faults. For his life, no one in this rotating globe has found joy in pushing the giant cursed manâs buttons other than you. In his philosophy, when Sukuna commandsânever asksâto do something, nothing is expected outside of doing simply that.Â
He does not expect the âNah, donât wannaâs, the âIâm busy, ask someone else,â or worse: âEver heard of please, big buy? Oh! Better yet, how about begging me to do it~?â
Infuriating is the best word to describe having to deal with you. Your only saving grace is that he treasures and finds use in your presence; if not, your blood would be seeping down to the bedrock.
âŠHowever, that doesnât mean he wonât pin you down and teach you a lesson if necessary. After all, he eats people for less.
So here you were, back on the futon while your legs were propped up by Sukunaâs upper arms, all of your clothes scattered around the tatami flooring surrounding the room, and sweat decorating your hot skin.Â
Your hands find purchase on his massive thighs as he bullies one of his fat cocks into your asshole; the sheer girth of him is enough for your eyes to run for the ceiling. âDaaahh, hooohshit, iâm âo fuuullâŠ!â
âHmph,â the four-eyed man scoffs at your comment, watching your expression contort to pitiful euphoria. âFucking pet, the only thing you can think about is dick.â He slams his hips, roughly smacking your ass and scraping the walls of your rear channel with the tip of his cock. âToo stubborn to even follow what I tell you to do.â
The mouth of his stomach licks your tummy. âMmmm, w-who pulled your pants up a notch?â You dare flash a smile at him during this, yet it withers away when the forefinger and thumb of his lower left hand find your clitoris and give it a pinch.
âStill got enough spark to talk back, huh?â The digits roughly squeeze your sensitive bud and only have you screaming louder and your anus puckering on his length tighter. âHnngh...Just doing things I tell you when you want to,â another snap of his hips causes a howl, along with another nip to your clit. âBut when it comes to this, youâre a real submissive tool, hmm?... Oi, Iâm talking to you.âÂ
Sukuna slaps your cuntâand he slaps it hardâthe impact has your eyes shot wide and cry out from the pain flourishing. âNnnfff! F-FuckâŠI only listen to you when it benefits me!â
âYou never listen to me.â
You giggle wickedly with tearful eyes. âThatâs the point.â
Maroon orbs narrow with the growth of an evil grin. âFucking whore,â you earned yourself another smack of the palm on your chasm.Â
ââFfffuuhuuck!!â Your head is thrown back to the sole pillow you lay on, your small frame overshadowed by his gigantic size. âIâm so cloooseâŠgonna cuuumâŠâ
Another slap. âWhat makes you think Iâd let you cum?â
Your face returns to look at him with a bitten lip, eyes fierce yet playful. âBecause I fucking said I so!â Oh, fuck did that reply tickle something in Sukuna, a guttural chuckle sneaking up on him.Â
He switches his upper right arm with the lower right to grab your neck. Your tiny fingers come to his wrist as the crook of his thumb is enough to add weight to your windpipe, yet your hazy smile refuses to leave your face. âYour say so means nothing to me. You will cum when I say so, little toy. Is that clear?âÂ
Your resilience is still present in your eyes, but youâre smart enough to know you should comply. You nod slowly, and the grip on your throat loosens a bit. Sukuna then silently moves his lower left hand to guide the top of his dual cock, kissing your aching folds. The hand on your throat grabs for your cheeks to keep your face on himâhe likes to watch what happens once he inserts inside you. Your eyes roll with tears striking down, your mouth goes agape to the push of his cockhead, and the silent shriek at the addition of his second cock nestling within you all has him snicker malevolently.
âPathetic.â
ââ âż Fushiguro TĆji âź manhandling - restricted movement - oral (m! receiving) - Daddy kink - backshots/leapfrog position - impact play; spanking - unprotected sex - pet names (baby, babygirl, mama) - cervix-fucking - creampies - mention of pain and spit/drool.
âOhhh! Ohh! D-Daddy, it huuurtsâShaaaah!!â
âGonna keep hurtinâ more if you donât quit squirminâ like that.â
Toji is one motherfucker who knows how to deal with brats; like Sukuna, he gets a kick out of it. So, someone like you who likes to cross a line with him? Heâs just waiting for you to give him the chance.
That chance came today when you really wanted to try him. You always had a big mouth on youâsomething that humored the older man more frequently than not. Walking up and down saying shit that tries to tick him off because, he knows, thatâs what you want: to get a rise out of him. And sometimes heâd brush it off, not buying into your bullshit or saying, âDonât talk big unless yâre tryinâ to learn.âÂ
Nevertheless, there are times when that big mouth of yours felt like you did want to learn. You opened your mouth earlier, telling how youâd take whatever hell heâd give you without problem. The first sign was a single eyebrow raised as he sipped his coffee, yet you still pushed on, giving him the rundown on how you were ready. He scoffed and retorted. âNo, yâre not.â His nonchalant tone sparked you to keep pressing him on, only for him to send a tiny glare. âIâm tellinâ you; yâre not ready.â
But you never knew when to quit, giving your signature smug grin as you walked towards him. âWhy, too scared? Donât think I can handle you?â He says nothing, letting you dig your own grave. âGuess I should find a real man who isnât afraid to prove me wrong.â
It wouldnât be befitting as your partner for him not to take the bait. If thereâs one thing Toji loves to do, itâs screwing that humble lesson into your thick skullâŠwith the help of his cock.Â
Toji smacks your bare ass harshly, erupting a sharp cry from your drooling lips. âCâmon, baby, what happened to that bigass ego of yârs?â
SoâŠfucking big! It was borderline embarrassingâpathetically soâto act like this. You were going through the absolute most you swore you could handle. Now, youâre stuffing your face into the pillow, your arms pulled to your back and caught by your wrists by a firm hand, ass propped up for Toji to roughly play and plow with.
His girth was surreal; the stretch was beyond words to describe and overwhelming to experience. You mouth seeping incoherent words that canât be pieced together. Toes curl as the girthy limb in your chasm stretches you out like crazy. And your eyes water from yet another slap on your ass, Tojiâs fingernails pinching the skin. âGhhâahhaaa, shtoop iiiit!â
âShtooop iiiit,â he mocks with a dark snicker. âStop what? Yâre the one who wanted this, right?â He pistons hard, and the raunchy sound of skin smacking onto skin fills the room. The white come that slides out with every push decorated his dick with a white, soapy ring. âWanted to be filled to the brim and smack around like a bitch in heat, huh, babygirl?â
âDaddyyyy,â you wail, spit rolling out your puffy lips. âTâoo muuuch! I-I canât take itâŠ!â
âOh no, weâre way past tapping out now, mama.â Tojiâs hips go erratic, and the hold on your wrists grows tighter. âTold you, donât talk big game if yâre just gonna cry and act like a baby.â
Fuuuck, I canât!! The hot pain stings your asscheeks, getting worse with every snap of his pelvis. Toji was too much, stretching your velvety walls so badly yet ecstatically good, bringing your face up with just his fingers pulling your mouth and jackhammering his girth so deep inside you. You hiccup to every graze of your G-spot, sounding so dumb with how youâre squealing.
âOhhhhJesus, Daddy, please, Iâm sorry,â you plead; thatâs all you could do while being fucked out of your mind like a toy. More spanks to your butt threaten more tears to fall off your face. âIâm sorry, Iâm sorry!!â
âHmmph, if yâre so sorry, why ya clenchinâ me so tight, huh?â His hand releases your wrists, adding more of his weight on you by pinning you down by the shoulders. The move creates more babbles to escape your mouth and your brain to go mush. âYâre not sorry fâr shit!â
And to tell the truth, Toji was right. Heâs so good at making your body feel good that this had you at an all-time high, your gummy walls contracting around him as you grip the satin sheets in euphoria. Shivers crawl through your frame as he pokes your womb with accuracy, words sputtering in an obscure fashion.
âHoooohshiiit, fuuck, I-Iâm, IâmmmâŠ!!â Thereâs no room for you to warn him; he doesnât give you that chance. He pushes your face to the pillow as he keeps pounding you until he reaches climax, spilling his semen into you for the third time that night. But he doesnât stop until you get off your high, jabbing your cervix so that it has your head battering like a storm. Finally, you let loose and succumb to your orgasm, your vagina clamping onto him as you experience the most Earth-shattering shocks of your life.Â
Toji hisses with a deep sigh, finally allowing his waist to rest and slowly removing his length out of your quaking figure. But he doesnât permit you theÂ
same courtesy, grabbing you by the scruff of your neck to slap his dick on your cheek. âSuck it clean.â
Your visage, in a complete haze, come slides out of your cunt and messes up the sheets beneath you. Yet, you titter with an aimless smile and take in his cock with a hum.Â
âThatâs it, mama, atta girl.â
© HOSHIGRAY2024 âź reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly âč header art by hyocorou + dividers by @cafekitsune.
#đŻđđđđ Ëââ§ê°á â à»ê± â§âË đŸđđđđđ: đŻđđđ
đđđđđđ#nanami x reader#gojo x reader#geto x reader#sukuna x reader#toji x reader#nanami smut#gojo smut#geto smut#sukuna smut#toji smut#nanami kento x reader#gojo satoru x reader#geto suguru x reader#sukuna ryoumen x reader#toji fushigro x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk imagines#anime smut
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âgive me the first tasteâ | 10k
logan howlett x f!reader
part 2 of âGUILTY PLEASUREâ
"Your hungry flirt borders intrusion / And I'm building memories on things we have not said / Full is not heavy as empty, not nearly, my love / Give me the first taste / Let it begin, heaven cannot wait forever / Darling, just start start the chase, I'll let you win." The First Taste by Fiona Apple
SUMMARY: From the moment you first laid eyes on Logan, you knew he was a tough nut to crack. But if thereâs one thing you love, itâs a challenge. As your relationship grows, youâre determined to show him that, in this universe, he can also be loved.
WARNINGS/TAGS: mdni - smut 18+ fluff. angst. drinking. dirty talk. slow-burnish. age-gap (reader is 25). once again wade saves the day. domestic!logan. soft dom!logan. logan calls reader âkidâ. they watch (500) days of summer. oral sex (f and m receiving). fingering. thigh riding. thumb sucking. throat fucking. multiple orgasms. unprotected p in v. creampie (i would say iâm sorry but iâd be lying)
AUTHORâS NOTE: jeez. hi guys!!! hope youâre doing alright. this is the 2nd part to âguilty pleasure.â writing for these two has been a total rollercoaster, but god was it worth it. as i always tell you, english isnât my first language, so if you come across any mistake and you feel like letting me know, thereâs no problem. thank you so much for all the support youâve been giving my posts. iâm happy strangers out there take the time to read my silly stories :)
A girl and a mutant walk into an apartmentâŠ
Actually, youâre still trying to come up with the rest of the joke. But one thingâs true: Loganâs about to set foot in your place.
You curse under your breath, putting both your hands to work as you struggle to open the door. âFucking swollen wood. I hate humidity,â you mutter, glancing back at Logan, who frowns as you keep trying different maneuvers to get the door to function properly.
Itâs a shitty situation overall. And having that gorgeous man practically glued to your back isnât helping in any way. You can tell he wants to give you a hand, but youâre not having itâwomen in STEM or something of the sort.
âMay Iââ he starts, though you cut him off before he can finish.
âIâve got this. Just need toââ you say, ramming your shoulder into the door with enough force to make it finally give away. Almost stumbling over the carpet but managing to catch yourself, you sigh in relief. Meanwhile, Logan stands still, scrutinizing you until you gesture for him to enter. âWelcome to the smallest apartment in New York City. It's nothing fancy, but itâs got everything you need for a comfortable stay on a budget. Make yourself at home!â
Logan narrows his eyes, the tiniest smirk playing on his lips before stepping inside. Each of his movements seems to be premeditated as he tosses his jacket onto the couch, surveying the room. A portrait of when you were a kid, probably six or seven years old, catches his attention. He tilts his head, picking up the picture to examine it more closely, and then flashes you a lopsided grin. âHow cute.â
âWell, Iâve changed a lot,â you take the picture from his hands, returning it to the shelf where he had gotten it from.Â
âWell,â he echoes, mocking your tone, âyour beauty certainly hasnât.â
His eyes bore into you as you meet his gaze. What amazes you most is that heâs being completely honest. In a heartbeat, you look away, wondering whatâs gotten into you. Usually, youâre not this awkwardâyouâve learned how to take compliments over the years, knowing how to smile just right, to flutter your eyelashes. To blush and giggle in command. Those were the tools that helped you to survive countless first datesâyour dearest aces up your sleeve.
Thereâs no use denying that they remained just that: first, failed dates. You hope you never have to go back to dating apps after this.
âAre you hungry? âCause Iâm starving,â you say, trying to walk away from him, although heâs faster, catching your hand in his.Â
âHey,â he urges you to make eye contact with him, his voice perplexingly soft. âIs everything okay?â
You nod so vigorously that you nearly strain your neck. âIâm fine, I swear. I just never get past this point.â
Inching closer, he presses his lips together for a split second, his brows furrowing in confusion. âYou lost me there.â
âGuys who come into my apartment donât tend to call back,â you admit, a flush creeping up your face, cheeks getting hotter. âI happen to believe itâs a curse, though Iâve kissed, like, a hundred toads so far and it still wonât break.â
âSo yâthink youâre gonna scare me off,â he raises an eyebrow, grinning. His rough fingers become gentle as they tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. âItâs sweet. Should be the other way around.â
Wow. You two are a match made in heaven.
As you detach yourself from his embrace and head to the kitchen, you decide to look for something edible in the fridge, finding different trays of food from days ago, none of which look appetizing or suitable for feeding the Tin Woodman standing behind you.
All of a sudden, the unmistakable metallic sound of Loganâs claws unsheathing rings in your ears, forcing you to spin around. The image that unfolds before you is peculiar, to say the least: heâs cornering your cat against the door.
Why is he about to fight a cat?
âPlease donât kill him?â you take a step in his direction and scoop the little ball of white fur into your arms. Logan stares at both of you, eyes squinted and brows knitted. âIâm sure heâs the cutest feline youâve ever seen. Have mercy on him.â
âI didnât know you had a cat.â
âEarnest wasnât aware of your existence either,â you reply, scratching along the animalâs back. He purrs beside your neck, his yellowish eyes never leaving Loganâs. âEarnest, this is Logan. He has claws just like you.â
âDonât you dare compare me to that,â Logan warns you, retracting his claws with a sigh. You canât help but wonder if he ever feels tranquil, at peace. âYâknow, youâve doomed him to bad fortune with that name. Is he at least toilet trained?â
âAre you hating on The Importance of Being Earnest?â you ask, expecting a retort, though apparently the playâs title doesnât ring a bell for him. âOscar Wilde?â
âWho do you think youâre talkinâ to, kid?â
Nowâs your time to roll your eyes, setting the cat down and letting it run away. He likes to hide in the bathroomâdonât ask why, because not even you know the answer to that. You flick your gaze up back to Logan, placing your hands on your hips. âSee, you gave him trust issues.â
âHeâll survive. Donât they have seven lives?â
This is the perfect conversation to have with someone who just ate you out thirty minutes ago: how many lives do cats have. Jesus.
At some point, Logan flops onto the couch, stretching out. You shudder as you hear him crack his neck, the popping sound getting on your nerves. He pats the empty side of the sofa, spreading his thighs until heâs almost taking up all the space. âCome here.â
Putting aside all your thoughts, you accept the invitation. You sit down, motionless, and his arm grazes the cushion behind your head, pulling you closer to him. You rest your cheek on his chest, letting out a deep sigh, one that youâve been holding in since you got to the apartment. Is it possible that he knows you craved this? This proximity, this kind of affection. To be heldâitâs been your only wish for months. He drums his fingers on your shoulder blades, then starts rubbing your back ever so lightly.
Far from dozing off, you feel alive.
Itâs hard not to lose track of time and space when you find yourself immersed in the warmth he offers, and thatâs when you realize how deeply youâre falling for this man. âLogan?â the mere thought of asking him whatâs been on your mind terrifies you. The last thing you want is to ruin thingsâor whatever it is that you have. He hums, a low, heavy sound in his throat, indicating you to continue. âI have a question.â
âAsk away.â
You lift your face from his chest and look him in the eye. The cityâs still alive outside, with music and chatter sneaking in through the window. Everything seems to be perfect, and you wish you could stay like thisâjust staring at him as if he were a painting in a museum, and you the critic who canât stop writing articles about its beauty.
Okay, that was⊠weirdly specific.Â
Logan tries to hide his smile as you peck his lips repeatedly. For a moment, you almost forget what you were going to ask him in the first place. But then heâs ready to listen, and you a wave of nausea washes over you.
âI know that we came here to⊠engage in adult practices.â
âFucking, you mean.â
âI didnât want to be that straightforward, but yeah,â you say, shaking your head as to rearrange your thoughts. âWould you mind if we stayed like this?â to emphasize your point, you kick your shoes off and put your legs on top of his lap. He observes the whole sequence without daring to utter a word. âDonât get me wrong. Iâd love to try that too. I truly do. But⊠right now, all I want is to cuddle,â heâs still silent, making you even more nervous. âIâm sorry. Is that okay with you?â
His whole body engulfs yours, your cheek coming to rest once again in its original position. You can feel the rhythmic beating of his heart, each breath he takes, the air he exhales dampening your nape. Logan peppers your neck with chaste kisses before pressing his lips to your temple. His voice comes out strained, partially muffled by your hair. âWho do you take me for, huh?â heâs right there, beside your ear, fucking everywhere. There isnât a single centimeter of your exposed skin that he isnât touching, marking as his. You donât give him an answer, in part because youâre unsure of what to say. He takes your silence as a cue to keep talking. âLet me take you to bed.â
âI can walk on my own.â
âI know,â he mutters, standing up with you in his arms, one arm beneath your knees and the other one under your shoulders. Loganâs not used to being this cautious, this patient with someone heâs known for less than two weeks. You see it in his eyes when he lets his guard downâsomething that has cracked, a shell thatâs been broken.
As he places you gently on top of the covers, he lingers for a moment, crouching beside the bed and searching for your lowered gaze. His fingers are warm as he tilts your chin up. âI didnât come here just to have sex with you. That was a possibility, of courseâbut itâs not the main reason why Iâm here,â he rasps, words accompanied by the light brush of his lips against yours for a quick, brief kiss. âI care about you. A lot. Iâm fine with whatever we do as long as I get to be close to you,â he grabs your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He then goes back to his usual bossy self, his demeanor changing. âAnd I donât want to hear you apologizing for not wanting to have sex ever again. Understood?â
âYes, sir.â
âNow youâre making jokes?â
âI canât have serious conversations,â you confess, observing the look of pure confusion on his face. âItâs true. I once spoke at a funeral and they cut me off forty seconds into my speech.â
Logan laughs at your sudden confession, his eyes crinkling at the edges. Rising to his feet, he begins to unbutton his flannel, pausing after the first few buttons are undone, waiting for your approval. âDo you want me to stay tonight?âÂ
âIf thatâs what you want.â
âIt is what I want.â
âAre you sure?â
âDonât make me change my mind.â
His words donât hide any real threatâthat you know.
You stifle your laughter, shedding your clothes. Instead of going to the bathroom to change, you toss your work clothes carelessly to the floor, opting for an old pair of pajamas that are the complete opposite of sexy. They surely have seen better days.
Loganâs eyes trail over you, taking his time to analyze the faded lettering on your wrinkled shirt. âKeep calm and eat pizza?â he reads aloud.
âHey. I bought it when I was seventeen.â
âYou could use a new wardrobe.â
âWell, what about you?â you tease, toying with his belt. âYouâre gonna sleep like this in my bed?â
âCanât wait for me to get my shirt off, huh?â he grins, that all-too-familiar smile on his lips.
You play along, folding your arms over your chest. âYou think so highly of yourself.â
Without breaking eye contact, Logan unbuckles his jeans, letting them pool around his ankles. He then shrugs off his flannel, leaving him in just his briefs and vest. You scan his body, and the room suddenly feels a hundred degrees hotter, the air between you thickening. Logan notices your reaction, chuckling. âDonât get too excited. This is all youâre getting today.â
âI think Iâve already heard that before.â
âKid.â
You raise your hands in surrender, showing him your palms and mouthing âsorryâ. Approaching your bed, you pull back the covers and slip into it. When you see Logan still standing there, you frown. âWhere are your manners? Come here. Iâm very impatient.â
He grumbles something under his breath, but he doesnât make you wait long. He proceeds to get under the sheets beside you, occupying that side of the bed thatâs always been empty. As you both settle in, facing each other, you canât help but giggle, your contagious laugh getting to him. âWhat now?â
âYouâre beautiful,â you whisper, tracing the bridge of his nose with your index finger, a featherlight touch that has him closing his eyes. In the soft glow of the night, with the cityâs distant sounds filtering in, he looks breathtaking. âI mean it.â
âDo you have an off switch?â
âIâm⊠not sure. Letâs find out tomorrow.â
âYou need to sleep,â he pulls you onto his chest with firm but gentle hands. He intertwines his legs with yours, holding you close.
âWait. I have a game to play.â
âItâs late.â
âPlease?â
He sighs. âOkay.â
âWe have to make confessions until we fall asleep.âÂ
âYou just want to talkâthat doesnât even qualify as a game.â
âIt does in this universe,â you reply, feeling his chest rumble with a chuckle as you settle more comfortably against him. âIâll start: remember the first night you came to the bar?â he hums in acknowledgment. âIt wasnât Burger Night. We donât serve food. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.â
He kisses the top of your head, his arms tightening around you. âI knew. You donât have a kitchen down there, baby,â he falls silent, taking his time to come up with a confession of his own. âI have a fear of flying.â
âReally? You, of all people?â
âI wasnât expecting to be judged.â
âOh, donât be such a crybaby,â you tease, burying your face further into the crook of his shoulder, inhaling his scent. He shivers slightly where your nose touches his skin. âI like you. Itâs kind of scary, and Iâm sure saying something like this probably goes against the rules of dating 101, but I do. I feel safe with you, likeâlike this is where Iâm supposed to be.â
Almost as if the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together, you think to yourself, though the words stay unspoken.
Youâve come to learn that Loganâs not a man of many wordsâheâs more of the âshow, donât tellâ kind of guy. So when he makes you lift your face, youâre not surprised by the way he kisses you: hungrily. Passionately, like a starved man at an all-you-can-eat buffet. A soft whimper gets lost somewhere in your throat as his tongue makes its way into your mouth, languidly stroking yours.
âWe didnât brush our teeth,â you whisper against his lips, laughing when he groans in exasperation.
âYou love having the final say, donât you?â
âIâm being serious, Logan. Cavities are a real issue for me.â
âYou can always get new teeth.â
âBut my morning breathââ
âItâll stink anyway, and so will mine,â he responds, taking a deep breath and clearing his throat once he settles into his ideal sleep position. âGood night.â
âNight,â you murmur, nuzzling your cheek against his neck. Despite your efforts to ignore it, being cradled like this feels incredible. You canât believe you went twenty-five years without it.
Just as youâre about to drift off, curiosity strikes. âCan you get tattoos?â
âBub, I was actually falling asleep.â
âOh, okay. Sorry,â you mumble, feeling a bit sheepish.
More silence.
âLogan?â
âHmm?â
âWhat was the Great Depression like?â
âFuck me,â he mutters, his voice gruff as he shifts lightly. âIt was fine. Now go to sleep.â
And you do, but not for long. An abrupt coldness wakes you up, eyes wide open, feeling disoriented. Itâs still pitch black outside, far quieter than when you first fell asleep. The clock on your nightstand reads itâs 3:17 am, though it feels like youâve only been in bed for five minutes.
Then you see himâheâs twitching in his sleep on the far side of the bed, his painful grunts reaching your ears. Most of what he says is unintelligible, but thereâs one word he keeps repeating over and over again without fail: âNo.â
You donât usually have nightmares. Whatâs the best way to wake someone from one? Youâre still thinking when he starts mumbling again, his voice thick with distress, and now heâs throwing his arms in the air as if he were fighting off somethingâor someoneâin his dreams.
Pressing your hands to his cheeks, you attempt to hold his face steady. He clenches his fists, his breath quickening the more he battles whateverâs haunting him. âLogan,â you whisper at first, subtly shaking his shoulders, but his eyebrows stay furrowed, deep in his nightmare. This time, you tighten your grip, fully sitting on top of him. âLogan. Logan! Wake up!â
Without warning, youâre on your back, pinned against the mattress. Loganâs straddling your hips, caging you in with his body, the weight of his adamantium skeleton pressing down. Your hands are trapped beneath his, and you watch as he clenches his jaw, teeth bared in a way that looks painful. His eyes are so dark and wild you barely recognize him, prominent veins throbbing in his neck with each labored breath he takes.
âLogan,â your own voice sounds unnatural, forced, as you do your best to bring him back to reality. âItâs me. Youâre alright.â
That seems to get through him. Logan stares at you in disbelief, his eyes softening as they take in your terrified expression. He abruptly pulls away, retreating to the nearest wall. Heâs gasping for air, slamming his eyes shut, his legs trembling. The only sound you can hear is his rapid breathing. You get up from the bed, taking a step in his direction, but you donât manage to go any further since he stops you with a shout.
âStay right there!â heâs growling, pointing his finger at you. âIâm serious. Donât come any closer.â
âLoganâŠâ
âPlease, no!â his voice increases in pitch, not being able to meet your eyes. âPlease. Just stay there.â
You comply, not wanting to upset him any further. Sitting back on your knees, you try to appear calm. A man so strong, capable of things you canât even understand. A weapon turned against himself now stands before you, pushing you away as if his presence were poisonous. He slumps to the floor, the fabric of his vest soaked with sweat.
Once heâs fully conscious, you cautiously crawl toward him, watching his every move. On a random day, this might have been funny for both of you, but right now, thereâs no room for laughter. Logan shakes his head, his shoulders tensing when you reach out to hug him, wrapping your arms around his broad frame. It takes him a couple of minutes, but eventually, his body sags against yours. For a while, neither of you speaks. You just thread your fingers through his hair, hoping the closeness will help soothe him. âFeeling better?â you whisper in the shell of his ear, and he pulls back to look you in the eye. You caress his cheek, his stubble rough against your skin. âWelcome back.â
âIâm sorry,â itâs the first thing he says, covering your hand with his. One by one, he kisses your knuckles, still shaking his head. âI donât know what came over me.â
âYou had a nightmareâitâs not like you could control it.â
âBut I couldâve hurt you,â he says, lowering his gaze to your wrists, where his fingerprints have left their mark. âGod. Iâm so sorry. I have to go.â
âWait!â you grab his arm, your mouth setting in a hard line, stopping him from leaving. âDonât run away from me, not now. Donât push me away, Logan.â
âI couldâve done something much worse.â
âBut you didnât. It was a nightmare, baby. You didnât know,â you kiss his forehead, hoping to talk some sense into him. âPlease, stay. Letâs try to get some more sleep.â
âWhat ifââ
You hold his face close to yours, your noses brushing. âYou wonât hurt me.âÂ
This time, he lets you keep him close, the roles now reversed. You can see him fighting his exhaustion, not wanting to fall asleep. But the more you play with his hair, the harder it is for him to stay awake.
âIâm alright,â he says, seemingly reading your mind. Itâs hard to tell whether heâs reassuring you or himself.
âI know,â you knead his shoulder, aiming to ease the tension knotted there. âYou better sleep, or I might start rambling again.â
A faint, tired hum escapes him, at long last allowing his eyes to close. âI like hearing you talk,â he murmurs, his breath warm against your collarbone, drifting off soon after that.
You continue to hug him, feeling the weight of his body gradually relax against yours as his breathing evens out. The room is quiet, but your mind is far from it: a tornado of emotions swirls within youâconcern, relief, love, and something else you canât quite decipher. It isnât until sleep finally claims you too that your brain stops going a hundred kilometers an hour.
The most surreal Sunday night of your whole life.
âSo⊠when will you let me see Lolo again?â
Wadeâs question makes you stop mid-pour, flicking your eyes between the drink and him. A few seats away, you hand a glass to Adam. Returning to where Wadeâs currently sitting, you dry your hands on your apron. âWhy are you even here?â you ask, raising an eyebrow, and he gives half a shrug. âLast time I checked, I wasnât holding him against his will.â
âHeâs been crashing at your place almost every night. You have your own methods, woman,â he raises one finger, then quickly adds another, pointing at your shirt. âTwo methods, in fact.â
At that, you laugh mirthlessly, shaking your head with a grin. âIâm surprised anyone would willingly date you.â
âI could ask you the same thing,â he retorts, taking a tentative sip of his beer and leaning back in his chair.
You glance at him while you wipe down the bar, looking for something to occupy your hands. âHeâs not my boyfriendâyet.â
Wade mimics a punch in his chest, just where his heartâs supposed to be, though youâre starting to question whether he has one. His lips form a small, exaggerated pout. âThat must hurt, doll. You got yourself into a situationship with a goddamn fossil. Good luck getting out of that.â
âItâs not that bad,â you say, rolling your eyes. âWeâre cool this way. Thereâs absolutely no need for a title.â
âOkay, letâs rehearse that one more time because you look like youâre about to cry,â he lifts an eyebrow, drawing nearer. âYou want the title, right?â
âI donât.â
He props his chin on his hand, laughing at you. âYes, you do. You canât fool me.â
âI said I donât.â
âI said I donât,â he mocks you, kicking his legs and puckering his lips.
You canât help but throw the towel down on the counter with irritation, giving in. âOkay! Of course, I want the fucking title.â
âThere she is!â he exclaims, throwing his hands up in a triumphant gesture. âGlad weâre speaking the truth now,â he tilts his head to the side, noticing your sudden silence. âHey, drop the long face. Iâm sure heâs been thinking about it. In order to understand Logan, I usually compare him to elders over ninety.â
âWhy would you do that?â you ask, your tone a mix of mild annoyance and curiosity.
âJust think about it! Senior citizens didnât date for too long in the past. Theyâd go straight from strangers to lovers. Take my grandparents, for example: in the span of one year, they met at a party, then got married, and had five kids. Do you really want to have a litter of Loganâs grumpy, hairy puppies?â
âWade, thatâs not even possible.â
âThe point is,â he continues, finishing his beer and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, âLoganâs rusty in this area, alright? Iâd bet a thousand dollars he probably dated Cleopatra.â
âHow did you pass History in high school?â
âI never graduated, but keep that between us,â he lifts his shoulders, shrugging. He spins the empty bottle, contemplating his next words. âYou should tell him how you feel and what you want. Thatâs what works best for Vanessa and me. Itâs easier that wayâyou canât expect him to just guess.â
You wrap your arms around yourself. âI just wish heâd realize it on his own.â
âWell, sometimes you need to give the other person a bit of guidance. Iâm just laying out the basics of a relationship here. Did your parents hate each other or something?â
The irony of it all. âThey got divorced when I was little.âÂ
âOh, god,â Wade sighs, rubbing his temples before glancing at you. âLet me get this straight: Mommy and Daddy werenât exactly the poster children for love. And you also happen to be a bartender. Anything else, honey? Please tell me youâre at least getting laid, because otherwise, Iâm going to feel tremendously sorry for you and your mental health.â
Just then, you hear your name being called. Smiling at Wade, you mumble: âSaved by the bell.â Once youâre back from taking some orders, Wade jumps to his feet, coming around the counter to hug you.
âDude, whatâs the matter with you?â you ask, loosely returning the hug.Â
âYouâre a fucking survivor,â he whispers in your ear, genuinely sounding concerned. âI donât know how you do itâyou seem so put together. I wouldâve lost it by now. A life without sex sounds awful.â
âJesus, Wade! Get off!â you stretch your arm to punch him in the back, earning a groan from him. âBack to your seat, gentleman. I certainly donât need your pity.â
âIâm a certified sexologist. Your secretâs safe with me,â he declares with a smirk, gesturing to his empty beer. âBut first, Iâm gonna need more of this tasty apple juice.â
âI hope youâve got some cash on you,â you say, getting him another beer. âWhy do I get the feeling Logan would kill us if he knew weâre talking about this?â
âIsnât that what makes it even better?â
Swaying on your feet, you scrunch your nose, momentarily lost in thought. âHe wonât let me touch him. I donât know if itâs me that does something wrong. We do have our⊠moments, but he takes care of himself. And usually in the bathroom.â
Wade goes white in front of you. âHow long has this been going on?â
âOver a month.â
âOh. Thatâs bad, like, really bad.â
âThanks! Iâll be sleeping on the highway tonight. You can always join me.â
âDoll, itâs nothing that canât be fixed, alright?â he waves his hand dismissively, then sets his palms flat on the counter. âI know Iâm starting to sound like a broken record, but talking to him is your best bet. This isnât something you can just brush under the carpet. Youâre like a goddamn radioâput it to good use.â
Just as youâre about to reply, you spot Logan entering the bar. You raise a hand in greeting, waving at him. He meets your gaze and smiles briefly, and so your eyes drift to Wadeâs, shooting him a warning look. âIf you keep this to yourself, I wonât charge you for today,â you mutter through gritted teeth, to which he answers by pretending to zip his mouth closed.
Logan takes a seat next to him, ignoring his presence. Instead, he focuses entirely on you. âHey, kid.â
âHey, homey.â
âHiya, Wade,â Wade greets himself with a mock cheer, patting his own back, which makes you laugh. He turns to Logan and his whole face lights up. âIâm afraid to tell you I canât sleep when youâre not around.â
Logan rolls his eyes. âGet your shit together.â
âYouâre the worst roommate ever! Canât believe you got yourself a girl and completely forgot about your bro,â Wade murmurs under his breath, just as his phone rings. âThank God. Iâve got to go. My love nuggetâs calling,â he announces, heading for the door. Before leaving, Wade blows the two of you a kiss. âI hate you both, but I also love you. Peace out, my friends!â
Logan and you exchange glances. âHeâs a funny guy, isnât he?â
âYou could say that,â he replies, leaning in to kiss you on the lips. Logan intends to deepen the kiss, but you pull away after a couple of seconds. He frowns, clearly confused. âThatâs how you greet me?â
You bite your lip, trying to suppress a giggle. âMy tip jar is practically empty, and I hate to say it, but itâs your fault.â
âDo you want me to say Iâm sorry?â
âOh, no.â
âGood, âcause Iâm not,â he plants a quick kiss on your cheek, making you smile. âYou have classes tomorrow, right?â
âYeah, at 9 am,â you almost grunt, not feeling too enthusiastic about it. âIâm gonna need your help. I canât sleep through my alarm, okay? The professor said tomorrowâs class is an important one. Midterms are right around the corner, and I canât take the liberty of failing them.â
âThat wonât happen,â he assures you, and you believe him. âI can be of help, donât worry. You wonât oversleep.â
Oh, Logan. Sweet, lying Logan.
Turns out you ended up oversleeping. Twenty-five years on this earth, and you still havenât learned not to trust a man, even if his puppy-dog eyes silently beg you to do otherwise. The thing isâyou love them. You love men. And youâre especially fond of the one currently sleeping in your bed.
The first rays of sunshine hit your face, waking you up. You attempt to raise a hand to shield your eyes, but moving any limbs feels like a Herculean task. A warm body is pressed against your back, one veiny arm draped over your stomach. Logan remains fast asleep behind you, his steady breathing succeeding in making you feel at ease. You reach back, running your fingers through his messy hair, and he grumbles in his sleep, instinctively pulling you closer.
What a nice, domestic morning. Yep, youâre getting used to this. And nope, you donât regret it, not even in the slightest bit.
Though there must be a mistake, because youâre preeeeetty sure you had something important to do.Â
Oh. You have classes. Hadâpast tense.
You reach for your nightstand, blindly groping for your phone. The charger is lying on the floor, the plastic of it all damaged. Perhaps Earnest had chewed on it while you were sleeping? You gently pry Loganâs arm off you, sitting up, and your bleary eyes land on something barely peeking out from under the bed.
Itâs your fucking phone. The screen is completely shattered, with three distinct holes in the middle of it. Three holes, how strange! You canât help but wonder who might have left them. Clutching your pillow, you whack Logan in the face with it. âRise and shine, Sleeping Beauty!â
He groans, trying to take the pillow away from you. âWhat the fuck is wrong with you, kid?â
âI wish I had a UNO reverse card because I should be the one asking you that!â you jab your finger into his chest, showing him the ruined phone. âYou broke my fucking phone!â
âWhat?â he asks, voice laden with sleep, still disoriented. He holds the phone, carefully scrutinizing it. âI think I donât know how to hit the snooze button.â
âNo shit, Sherlock. I believe youâve made that very clear,â you huff, tossing the phone aside as you flop back onto the mattress. The clock on your nightstand says 11:05 am, and you cover your face with your hands, taking a deep breath. âNext time, when it goes off, just wake me up and Iâll do it.â
Logan settles beside you, resting his head on his forearm as he watches you. âIâm sorry, bub. Iâll get you a new one.â
âItâs fine,â you murmur, sighing. This is your free ticket to be a menace. âI shouldâve known dinosaurs and phones would never get along. My bad, pal.â
You donât even get to see his reaction because he starts tickling you, the room filling with your laughter. Squealing, you try to wriggle away, but his fingers dig into your ribs, expertly finding your most ticklish spots. Your giggles escalate into breathless laughter, your eyes squeezed shut as you desperately attempt to push him away. Heâs relentless, chuckling when his own laughter bubbles up.Â
âL-logan, stop!â you gasp between fits of laughter, aiming to grasp his hands.
âWe dinosaurs love tickling people. Sorry, sweetheart,â he manhandles you until youâre perched on his lap, fisting the fabric of your (his) shirt. Leaning forward, he captures your mouth in a heated kiss. âIâm sorry about the phone,â he slurs the words against your cheek, his lips trailing down to your neck. You tell him that itâs okay, trying to find a comfortable position on top of him, and thatâs when his thigh presses against your core, your eyes widening at the unexpected sensation. Loganâs no fool, noticing the way your breath hitches. âWhatâs wrong, baby? You woke up needy?â
âNo, I justââ you trail off as he does it again, his strong thigh coming in contact with your clothed cunt. You search for leverage by placing your hands on his shoulders, glancing at him. âLogan.â
âIâm all ears,â he rests his back against the headboard, the tent in his boxers impossible to ignore. âYou want to get off on my thigh,â he states with certainty. Itâs not a questionâitâs a full-on statement. He knows what you want, what you crave. âCome on then. Grind against it.â
You do as he says, not caring to think twice. You start moving, rubbing your wet pussy against his muscular thigh. The friction sends jolts of pleasure through you, and soon, youâre whimpering his name, your hands trailing down his abs. Why hadnât you tried this before? It feels fucking amazing.
From his position, Logan stares at you, his lips slightly parted, eyes clouded with lust. Your arousal drenches your panties, soaking through them, the fabric clinging to his coarse leg hair. He glances down at the mess youâre making, his grin widening as he takes in the sight. âGoddamn, woman. Iâm gonna make you clean it off, I swear to God.â
âNeed your help,â you whisper, lowering your head, the heat in your cheeks intensifying. The coil tightening inside you is almost unbearable. A kiss is what you lean in for, desperate for more, though Logan appears to have other plans. He fists your hair, pulling at your nape and yanking your head back. The roughness of the movement pulls a moan from your lips, your mouth parched like a desert.Â
âEyes up here, okay? You look at me when I make you come,â his raspy voice makes you feel tingly, each word sending shivers down your spine. His hands fiercely grab the flesh of your hips, guiding you, helping you grind harder against his thigh. You think youâre on the verge of drooling when you catch the way his abdomen flexes, working to push you toward that long-awaited release. âThatâs it, there you go,â he rasps, relishing the sounds heâs eliciting from you, each of your gasps feeding his desire.
Time slows as the warmth in your belly finally erupts, your eyes fighting to stay open through the aftershocks of your orgasm. No actual words leave your mouth, just a string of whines and moans, some carrying Loganâs name. He swallows every single sound you make, everything you give him, grunting as your legs tremble and shake atop him.
He lets you collapse onto your back, your breathing gradually evening out. âI think I saw fireworks behind my lids,â you confess, your mouth dry, expecting Logan to flop onto the mattress beside you. But he doesnât. Through your blurry vision, you contemplate as he positions himself between your parted legs, getting dangerously close to your cunt. âLogan, what are youâ Oh, fuck,â you moan mid-sentence when you feel him pulling your panties aside to lick a slow strip through your folds, collecting your arousal. He points his tongue, dipping it into your entrance, and you wince, squirming. âSanta Claus, is that you?â
Logan grins against you, closing his mouth around clit for a moment. He then shifts until heâs eye-to-eye with you, two of his fingers sliding into you in one smooth motion. âGive me another one,â he murmurs, his other hand slipping under your shirt to play with your nipples, pinching them.Â
You never imagined two fingers could bring such intense pleasure. You just lie there, taking it like a good girl, as Logan sometimes call you. âPlease, I need you,â you cry out, your fingernails scraping against his torso.
âI know, darlinâ. Iâm right here,â he rasps against your temple, moving his fingers in and out of you with more enthusiasm. But what he doesnât understand is that you need all of him. Your hands itch to touch him, to feel the weight of his cock. The corners of his mouth turn up as he watches you struggle to find words. âWish you could see yourself like this. Such a pretty girl, so gorgeous like this,â his fingers keep grazing that bundle of joy deep inside you, and he goes in for a kiss, the sour taste of your slick invading your taste buds. âTightest pussy Iâve ever had. Need to stretch you real good before fucking you with my cock.â
Bingo! That last sentence does it for you, and you come for the second time in the morning, your cunt clenching and spasming around his fingers. You hide your face in his neck, mouthing at his Adamâs apple. He hasnât trimmed his beard in days, and it shows because you can now feel a burning sensation on the soft skin of your inner thighs.
âYouâre allowed to break all my phones from now on,â you suggest, only to hear Loganâs laughter in your ear. He snakes a hand through your hair, shoving it back away from your face. You feel him kiss your sweaty forehead, and as you press yourself closer to his body, something hard nudges your hipbone.
Absentmindedly, you trace the waistband of his boxers with your index finger, your eyes snapping to his face. Logan freezes on the spot, and itâs almost as if heâs stopped breathing. Without a word, he rises from the bed, his movements sudden and almost mechanical. You watch him, puzzled, as he heads toward the bathroom, the intimacy of just moments ago being abruptly replaced by a dreadful silence.
âLogan, is everything okay? Do you need something?â you ask and he pauses at the bathroom door, his back to you. For a brief second, you think he might actually open up, but when he turns around, his expression is neutral, masking whatever thoughts are running through his mind. At last, he flashes you a quick smile.
âIâm fine,â he says, his tone gentle but distant. âJust gonna take a shower. Then we can have breakfast together, right?â
You nod, his words easing the growing sense of frustration gnawing at you. He disappears into the bathroom, and the sound of running water soon follows. You sink back into the bed, staring up at the ceiling. You take your pillow and bury your face in it, letting out a muffled groan. Thereâs something he isn't telling you, something hidden deep beneath his usual gruff exterior. Although you try to piece together the fragments of his behavior, they donât quite fit.
The minutes drag on, and the sound of the shower becomes a distant, constant background noise. You close your eyes, visualizing your happy place, but your thoughts keep spiraling. All you can do is waitâwait for him to come back and act as if nothing had happened.
Loganâs right there, just a few feet awayâyet in moments like these, he feels miles apart. Itâs one of those days in which, no matter how hard you try, you canât seem to bridge that distance.Â
It had all started with you asking Logan âHave you ever watched (500) Days of Summer?â
Of course, he had refused to watch the movie at first, and of course, you had threatened him with phoning Wade to let him know that Logan wanted to have a sleepover. That had done the trick.
You had asked for a day off at the bar, and surprisingly, your boss hadnât objected. That turn of events led to this moment: sprawled out on the couch with Logan, the two of you watching the final minutes of your favorite film. Logan takes a long drag of his cigar, eyes trained intently on the screen. Heâs only wearing sweatpants, which had caused your attention to drift from the plot a few times. The fact that you managed to sit through the entire movie without needing to pause it makes you feel particularly invincible.
Hey.
You again.
Yeah. I, uh, was just wondering if maybe after this, if, um, youâ you want to get some coffee or something.
Oh, Iâm sorry. Iâm sort of supposed to meet someone after this.
Okay.
âThat poor fella,â Logan murmurs, taking a slow sip of his beer. You look up at him from where your head rests on his lap, a contented smile playing on your lips. His fingers absently stroke your hair.
âJust wait,â you say, pointing to the screen of your laptop.
Sure.
Whatâs that?
Why not?
Okay. Well, then Iâll just, uhâ Iâll wait for you.
Weâ weâll figure it out.
Weâll figure it out.
âTheyâll figure it out!â you exclaim, but Logan quickly shushes you, his attention unwavering.
My nameâs Tom.
Nice to meet you. Iâm Autumn.
When the movie comes to an end, youâre met with Joseph Gordon-Levitt breaking the fourth wall, staring straight at the audience as if he knows heâs about to get himself into a mess with another girl named after a season. You sit up, your eyes eagerly searching for Loganâs. âSo? Did you like it? Iâve watched it seven times now. Canât understand how it gets better each time.â
Logan closes his mouth around his cigar, inhaling deeply before answering. âYeah, it was pretty good,â he says, his hand finding your cheek, thumb brushing softly against your skin. âSummerâs a bitch, though.â
âI respectfully disagree,â you tell him, grabbing his beer and giving it a try, only to grimace at the taste. Shuddering, you set it back down. âWhy donât you like her character?â
âWell, for starters, she did Tom dirty. Played with him like he was a damn rag doll.â
You raise an eyebrow, hugging a cushion closer to your chest as you lean back into the couch. âHe knew from the beginning she didnât want to be his girlfriend. Summer was clearâTom just though he was smart enough to change her mind.â
âThey acted like boyfriend and girlfriend the whole movie,â he scorns, placing his cigar down into the ashtray with a bit more force than necessary.
Is your first argument going to be over a movie? Exciting.
âLogan, they werenât even official.â
âBut she made it seem like they were,â he insists, the frustration in his voice growing.
âThey were in a situationshipâthe perfect example, really. Thatâs not the same as being a couple.â
His gaze dips to the floor, brows knitted in a deep frown. âI think youâre relying on the technicality that they never used those titles. I mean, they did everything together. Isnât that what normal couples do?â
Lord have mercy.
âLogan, who am I to you?â you inquire, crossing your arms over your chest.
He hesitates, narrowing his eyes, the question clearly catching him off guard. âYou areâwhat? I donât understand. Is this some kind of mind game youâre playing?â
âItâs actually very simple: if someone were to ask you about me, what would you say? Am I a friend? A bartender?â you inch forward, holding your breath, your tone faltering slightly. Meanwhile, Loganâs hands tighten into fists at his sides. âA fling? Your girlfriend? You complain so much about Summer, yet you canât even name what we have.â
The living room falls into a heavy silence. Logan blinks slowly, his forehead creasing as he processes your words. âWhy are you doing this to me?â
âBecause these are the kinds of conversations we need to have. I understand you donât want to have them, but I do.â
âFine. Then tell me what it is that you want,â he asks, his mouth snapping shut when he sees you snorting in response.
âI donâtâ I donât know! To know how you feel, if possible?â you stand up from the couch, taking the cushion with you. You grind your jaw, gnawing on your bottom lip. âWhy is it that every time I try to touch you, you push me away?â
He scrunches up his face, mirroring your movements and rising from his seat. âBub, can we please talk about this tomorrowââ
âNo! You donât get to make all the choices, thatâs not fair. Deciphering you isnât easy, Logan. Iâm not asking you to tell me everything youâve been through. I just wish I could know how you feel about me. I canât stand in front of you and pretend I donât mind where this is going, because Iâm more than sure Iâm falling in love with you. â
âYou canât. You shouldnât,â he says, his expression hardening. He turns his back to you, running his hands over his face in frustration before heading to the kitchen.
âWell, what were you expecting?â you follow him into the kitchen, finding Earnest on top of the fridge, beholding the scene with a curious gaze. âYou basically moved in here, gave me a free trial of what life with you might be like, and now you have the audacity to appear surprised when I tell you Iâve caught feelings?â salty tears start rolling down your cheeks, and you spread your arms wide in exasperation. âOh, but youâre right. How could Iâve been this stupid, to fall for the damned Wolverine!â you laugh bitterly, expecting him to break eye contact, but he doesnât. âYou think youâre so bad, so broken. Guess what: youâre not, because I love you, and I couldnât care less about your past. You may think youâre unlovable, but youâre not, you hear me?â
For a heartbeat, the world seems to pause. And so he says:
âYou are the most exasperating person I know.â
âWow. Thank you so much!â you retort, your voice dripping with sarcasm. You run a hand through your hair, infuriated. âThat makes me feel better!â
âLet me do the talking now,â he says, taking long strides toward you, and the proximity makes you lower your head. âYouâre not getting the final say today. Just because Iâm not over-sharing my feelings all the time doesnât mean I donât have them! In fact, I do. I may not express them openly, but they exist. And I wish you could see inside my head! Youâd be delighted at how much time I spend thinking about you,â you cackle at his words, rolling your eyes. His fingers grip your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. âThere hasnât been a single moment since the day we met that I have stopped wanting you. Your voice is like a goddamn radio that, no matter what I do, I canât turn off. Itâs like Iâm infected by you, and I hate it!â his eyes burn with a mix of anger and affectionpur, his pursed lips softening as he continues. âNo good ever comes from caring this much about someone. So excuse me for being scared of ruining the only good thing thatâs happened to me in years!â
You hit him with the cushionânot with enough force to make him hurt, but enough to make a point.
âDrop it, kid.â
âIâmââ you hit him again, ânotââ and again, âstupid. I know what Iâm getting myself into,â as you attempt to raise the cushion once more, Logan takes it from your hands, throwing it on the counter. Your shoulders sag, trying to find the strength to keep going. âAnd I know for a fact,â you add, glancing at his conflicted eyes, âthat the easiest thing for me would be to walk away from you, but I canât. Itâs too fucking late.â
âYou donât know what youâre saying.â
âI do! These are my feelings, okay? Mine, not yours. You donât have the right to decide who I love and who I donât.â
Loganâs eyes squint, scanning your face. âYouâre⊠obnoxious.â
âYeah, tell me something I donât know.â
âAnd IâI love you,â he confesses, his nostrils flaring with emotion. Opening your mouth to say something, you close it moments later, your gaze locked on his. âYou could take what you said, pretend as if I didnât exist, and I wouldnât say a thing, yâunderstand? I would move cities if you asked me, because I love you that fucking much, and I want you to be happy.â
You reach for his hand, briefly intertwining your fingers with his. Looking at him through your eyelashes, you rub your fingers over his stubble. âAnd what if my happiness comes from being with you?â
Logan lets out a harsh breath, his arm curling around your waist, pressing his chest to yours. âI canât promise Iâll be the perfect boyfriend. Iâll probably makeplenty of mistakes.â
âFine with me.â
âAnd youâll be mad at me. A lot.â
âDonât worry about that. Iâll make sure itâs mutual.â
Both of you laugh then, and youâre taken aback when he brushes his nose against your cheek, silently seeking permission to kiss you. His lips move hungrily against yours, trailing his hands down your spine, pulling you closer. He breaks the kiss and laughs at your eagerness when you chase after his mouth. You end up perched on his lap as he settles into one of your kitchen chairs. Logan stares into your eyes, his gaze drifting lower. âI wonât push you away this time. Not anymore.â
Thatâs your cue to finally do what youâve been yearning for weeks. You fall to your knees in front of him, shaky fingers that graze the hairs on his happy trail. The bulge in his sweatpants is close to your face, and your mouth waters at the thought of having him between your lips. âCan I?â you ask, your voice a touch higher.Â
He draws a long breath, tilting his head slightly. âYou may, baby.â
You pull at his sweatpants and boxers, sliding them down his legs just enough to free his hard cock. As you take a look at it, you find yourself at a loss for words, the sight overwhelming. Nothing couldâve prepared you for the first taste of his precum as you envelop his head between your lips, that musky scent of his hitting you.
A whimper escapes you, and Logan hisses when you run your tongue along the slit, his hands gripping the back of your neck tightly. âFuck, darlinâ. Thought about your mouth so many times, but never imagined itâd feel this good,â he cants his hips up, causing your movements to stutter. âYou can take a bit more, canât you?â his question ends with a guttural grunt, his fingers tightening on your hair. âGotta show me how much you want this.â
Logan takes all that you give him. You lower your head further, taking in another inch of him. Sexâs supposed to feel good, but this? It feels even greater. And heâs not even inside you yet, you hear a voice murmur in your head. The hand on your nape encourages you to move faster, and you sneak a hand between your bodies, grasping him by the base. You swallow around him, eyes fluttering open when he tugs sharply at your hair..
âThaaaatâs it, honey. Just like that, want you to choke on it,â he grumbles, running his mouth just the way you like. The tip of his cock nudges the back of your throat and tears fill your eyes. You pull away to catch your breath, still stroking him as you regain composure. Loganâs gaze is intense, and he stares into your soul, his chest heaving. âWhatâs wrong, sweetheart? Dick got your tongue?â
Youâll definitely get back to that joke later.
âWill youâcan youââ
âCome on, beautiful. I donât have all day.â
God, you love it when heâs mean.
âFuck my throat,â you plead, your voice barely above a whisper.
A smile dangles on the corner of his lips. âWe both know you can be nicer.â
The fucker makes your pulse race. âCan you fuck my throat?â you ask again, more insistently. âPlease.â
He guides himself into your mouth, smirking as he watches how your eyes roll back in pleasure. âHow polite of you to say please. Some good manners youâve got.â
You whimper around him, your body responding to the rhythm he sets, fully immersed in the intensity of the moment. And for a while, you drift away, losing your sanity with each thrust of his hips, every tug at your hair. Itâs almost impossible not to compare him to your past hookups. You try to recall at least a single instance when another man made you feel this way, but no memory surfaces.
Time seems to stretch and warp. You donât really know when it happensâhe pulls you off his cock, cradling your face, examining you. âYou fucking love that, donât you?â he asks with that sweet, syrupy voice, brushing away your tears. Thereâs no room left for embarrassment, so you nod, closing your mouth around his thumb. Defeated, Logan shakes his head, pressing his finger against your tongue. âI was planning on coming on your mouth, but I think Iâve got a better idea.â
In the blink of an eye, youâre in your bedroom. Not even a metaphorâhe picks you up and basically runs to your room, closing the door behind him. You prop yourself on your forearms, trying to process whatâs about to happen. Logan, already naked, climbs onto the bed after you, He kisses you slowly, tracing the curves of your body. âYou still want this?â
âI do. Iâm just⊠nervous, thatâs all,â you admit, flashing him a quick smile. âItâs been two years of celibacy for me. Will it fit?â you ask, glancing down at his cock, and Logan stares at you in confusion. âAlso, how many girlfriends have you had? Just curious.â
âI donât think this is the time for that conversation.â
âYouâre right,â you agree, lying back on the mattress, bracing yourself for whatâs to come. âWere they pretty?â
âBub.â
âYes?â
âShut up,â he replies with a smirk. âFocus on me, okay?â
Despite your tries to crack jokes at the worst possible moment, things escalate pretty quickly. Loganâs got three fingers inside you, pumping them in and out. Heâs already made you come once with his mouthâto get you more relaxed, he had said. Wanting sounds slip past your lips as he doesnât miss the chance to hit that spot that makes you squeeze your legs together. The tip of his nose drags long lines up and down the skin of your neck, mouthing at your jaw.
âIâm ready,â you mumble after some minutes, reaching for his cock and stroking him. âLetâs break the bed.â
âYouâre lucky youâre this cute,â he says, catching your lips in a kiss. âCondom?â
âNegative, Sergeant.â
âYou donât have any?â
You shake your head, biting the inside of your cheek. âI donât want you to use one.â
The way his gaze darkens doesnât go unnoticed by you. His hand guides your face toward his cock. âGet me wet,â he commands, and you oblige, sucking him into your mouth. You hum around him, unable to contain yourself, and you hear Logan chuckling above you. âCanât believe this is what it takes for you to shut up. Gotta keep your mouth full all the time.â
Once heâs satisfied with the way youâve slicked him, he positions himself over you, caging you between his arms. Logan pins you down with his body, his hot breath mingling with yours. When you stare into his eyes, all you see is pure love, and your heart swells with affection. âWill you fuck the bad jokes out of me?â
Logan laughs, rubbing his length along your folds, grazing your clit for a fleeting second. âI sure as hell will,â he assures you, lining himself up with your wet entrance. He looks into your eyes for approval. âReady?â
âI was born reaâ Fuck!â you nearly scream as his head breaches you, your eyes squeezing shut. Turns out his fingers werenât enough. âFucking mutant dick.â
âYouâll love it, believe me,â he husks next to your ear. His arms shake where they rest on each side of your head, seemingly as affected as you are. Logan pulls out, and then fucks into you with a little more force. âHow are you still so tight? Youâre killinâ me here.â
âIâve got no idea, but you feelâamazing,â you gasp, latching onto his back, holding him close to you. His thrusts gain strength, and suddenly heâs bottoming inside you. âOh, god. I can feel you in my stomach.â
âI know, baby, I know. Can feel it too,â he curls one of his hands around your throat, keeping you in place. From his position, he can watch the way your face contorts in pleasure. Lowering his head to envelop one of your nipples between his lips, he sucks hard. âYou were desperate enough to get on your knees in the damn kitchen. Youâll be good now too, am I right?â
âYes. Yes. I can be good,â you pant, eyes wide and pleading. âAnything you want. Just donât stop.â
âIâm not stoppinâ, princess. Donât worry,â his mouth curves into a wicked grin as he drives into you again, this time even deeper. His hand on your throat tightens slightly, just enough to make you feel the pressure, grounding you in the moment. âThatâs my girl,â he murmurs against your chest, his voice laden with need.Â
Each thrust has you gasping, your body arching off the bed to meet his. Loganâs grip on your neck loosens as his hand slides down to grasp your hip. He squeezes your tender flesh, pulling you harder against him, as if he canât get close enough. The bed creaks under the intensity, but you barely notice, too far lost in the rhythm of his movements.
âYouâre perfect, all Iâve ever wanted,â he slips his free hand between your bodies to find your clit, and the moment his fingers make contact with it, you canât help but whine. âSo fuckinâ perfect,â you hear him repeat, more to himself than to you, his voice stranded as he tries to hold himself back, letting you chase your own release first.
The pressure inside you builds up, tightening with every skilled flick of his fingers. Youâre sure you must look like a mess, sweaty and sticky, though the way he looks at you makes you forget everything else. âLogan, Iâmââ you croak, the wind being knocked out of your lungs with each relentless thrust. âI think Iâm gonna come.â
He picks up speed, snapping his hips faster. âIâve got you, let go for me. Iâll take care of you, baby, I swear,â his pace becomes erratic, digging his fingers into the softness of your thighs as the headboard keeps slamming against the wall. Your body obeys him, a shuddering release tearing through you, moaning Loganâs name and gripping him like a vice. âThatâs it, fuck, thatâs it,â he doesnât stop, driving you through your orgasm. His eyes snap to your face, contemplating how wrecked you look. âTell me whereâplease, sweetheart.â
âInside.â
âWhat?â
âI said inside. Come inside me, Logan.â
Heâs not strong enough to deny you such a thing. Logan buries himself to the hilt, groaning your name as his cock twitches and paints your walls with his thick seed. Beside your head, his claws unsheate, tearing into the pillow. He ruts against you, his body trembling and writhing against yours, already apologizing for the pillow incident while pressing his forehead to your shoulder. âSorry, Iâm sorry. That hasnât happened in a while.â
When Logan collapses beside you, he pulls you into his arms, kissing you eagerly. You return the kiss, wincing as you feel a bit of his cum slip out of you, rolling down your thighs. He stares at your glistening cunt without an ounce of remorse, and you close your legs. âThatâs private.â
âIt wasnât very private a minute ago.â
âLogan?â
âTell me, bub.â
âKnock, knock.â
He must truly love you, because he plays along: âWhoâs there?â
âIce cream.â
âIce cream who?â
âIce cream for you all night long.â
âGuess I didnât succeed in fuckinâ the bad jokes out of you,â he teases softly, letting his head fall back on the bed. âBut itâs fine. Iâll just have to keep tryinâ.â
This is the story of how you end up dating a man whoâs two hundred years old. But itâs also the story of how that same man learns to let his guard down and open his heart. So, remember this, kids: the skyâs the limit, especially when it comes to loveâand yes, even when it involves dating mutants.
dividers by: @/cafekitsune thank you!!! :)
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#wolverine x reader#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine x you#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett fic#logan howlett smut#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine fic#wolverine fanfiction#wolverine smut#the wolverine#wolverine x men#x men movies#x men#smut#fluff#fan fiction#fic: give me the first taste#logan x reader#logan xmen#logan x you#james logan howlett#james howlett#x men wolverine#logan wolverine
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ïč đŹ ïč ââââUH OH, IâM FALLING IN LOVE.
đąYPNOSiS. you and heeseung have been rivals for as long as you could remember, constantly competing for the top spot in schoolâbasically everything. living next door to each other only added to the fire, the tension between you, especially when heeseungâs cocky aura never seems to waver. but one single encounter shifts the entire dynamic, leading to confusing emotions arising, jealousy, and new surprising revelations. what happens when rivalry starts to feel like itâs growing into something more?
àšà§ đAiRING. academic rival! lee heeseung x fem! reader, e2l, platonic jake sim! x reader.
àšà§ đENRE. frenemies to enemies to lovers trope, neighbours trope, slowburnish, she fell first, he fell harder, angst but vv happy & fluffy ending!! non!idol au.
àšà§ WARNiNGS. profanities, mean girl harassing yn, slight miscommunications, overthinking, heeseungsâ unfortunately vv dumb T-T, kissing, jealousy, insecurities, not proofread so expect spelling errors :3!!
àšà§ WORD COUNT. 10,283 | 10.2K
đđđđŹđiđŠđ§ ïč labyrinth, taylor swift, let the light in, lana del rey, white mustang, lana del rey, i love you, iâm sorry, gracie abrams, nobody gets me, sza, fishtail, lana del rey, bel air, lana del rey, intro (end of the world), ariana grande, daydreaminâ, ariana grande.
NOTE. after three days itâs finally complete:3 this is my first 10k+ work and iâm really proud of it!! feedback is always appreciated<3 ig this is another (late) birthday post for heeseung bc ilhsm!! ă
ă
LiBRARY | © won4kiss all rights reserved
YOU HAVE ALWAYS HATED LEE HEESEUNG IN ALL YOUR YEARS OF LIVING.
or at least, thatâs what you told yourself after your crush on him in freshman year, long before he decided he didnât wanna be friends anymoreâeveryday as you stared at the back of his head in class, as you watched him stride confidently down the halls, or caught a glimpse of him outside your window, you knew you hated him.
it wasnât hatred in the traditional sense, but rather an intense, gnawing resentment that had grown over the years.
he was your biggest rivalâhad been since childhood.
every achievement, every reward you earned, was always tainted by the fact that heeseung was right there, just a step ahead or a breath behind, competing with you for the same crown.
for as long as you could remember, it had been you and heeseung battling for the title of ânumber 1â in everything.
academics, sports, student councilâif there was something to win, one of you would, and the other would be left second place, seething with anger.
you both knew it, and so did the rest of the schoolâthe rivalry between the two of you was practically legendary.
and it didnât help that you were neighbors.
from your bedroom window, you had a perfect view into heeseungâs room.
the distance between the two houses was just a few meters, and if you opened your windows at the same time, you could practically hear each other breathing.
there were nights when you could see the dim glow of his desk lamp as he studied late into the eveningâno doubt working just as hard as you were, trying to maintain his title over you.
heeseung was infuriating, cocky, arrogant, andâworst of allâtalented.
it wasnât enough that he was smartâhe was also athletic, charismatic, and effortlessly incredibly popular.
heâd never let you forget it, either, there wasnât a day that passed without him throwing a smug comment your way about how heâd beat you in the last exam or how he scored higher in a math test by a single point.
âyou almost had me that time,â heâd say with a smirk, as if being second place wasnât a knife in your chest.
so, naturally, youâd responded in a way anyone else would, throwing curses and insults his way whenever you could.
it was a defense mechanism, a way to keep the bitter rivalry alive.
but deep down, you had to admit, there was something almost exciting about it.
heeseung pushed you to be better, to work harderâand while you loathed the look he gave you every time he won, there was something about his presence that you couldnât quite shake off.
then, one morning, everything changed.
it was a normal tuesday, and you were getting ready for school as usual.
the sun was barely rising, casting a soft golden light into your room.
you were standing in front of your mirror, adjusting your uniform, when something caught your eye from the windowâmore specifically, someone.
heeseung.
at first, you didnât think much of itâafter all, his window was right across from yours, and youâd seen him countless times getting ready for the day.
but then you realizedâhe wasnât just standing there, he was shirtless.
your heart skipped a beatâyou froze, eyes wide, as you took in the sight of him.
his hair was still messy from his slumber, and his skin was glowing softly in the glow of the morning light.
youâd never really thought about heeseung in any way other than as your obnoxious rival, but seeing him like thisâbare and vulnerableâyou couldnât deny that it did something to you.
you tried to tear your eyes away, but for some reason, you couldnât.
you felt your cheeks grow hot as you stood there, practically staring at him.
and thatâs when he turned his head.
he caught you.
heeseungâs eyes flickered toward your window, and for a split second, you thought maybeâjust maybeâhe wouldnât notice.
but then his lips curled into that familiar smirk, the one that always made you want to punch him, and he raised an eyebrow.
slowly, he stepped closer to the window, clearly amused by the fact that youâd been caught staring.
your heart hammered in your chest, this was the most mortifying moment of your life.
before you could react, heeseung opened his window, pushing it up with a soft creak.
his smirk widened as he leaned against the windowsill, his bare chest still on full display.
and then, he did something you didnât expectâhe motioned for you to open your window.
for a moment, you just stood there, frozen in place, unsure of what to do.
every fiber of your being screamed at you to ignore him, to pretend this never happened.
but there was something about the way he was looking at youâsomething playful, something almost⊠flirty? it sent your brain into a whirlwind of confusion.
with shaky hands, you hesitated, then slowly cracked open your window, just enough to hear him.
âwhat? did you enjoy the view?â he asked, his voice dripping with amusement.
your face flushed even hotterâthis was not happening. lee heeseung was flirting with you?
he had never flirted with you beforeâhe was usually busy insulting you or trying to one-up you.
but now? now he was standing there, shirtless, with that stupid grin on his face, teasing you like this was some kind of game.
âiâwhat are you even talking about?â you stammered, trying desperately to regain some sense of control. âi wasnât staring, freak!â
heeseung chuckled softly, the sound sending an unexpected shiver down your spine.
âsure, you werenât. itâs okay to admit it, you know? i get it. i am pretty hard to resist.â
you gaped at him, utterly speechles, was this really happening? was he seriously being⊠flirty?
your brain couldnât handle itâwithout thinking, you slammed your window shut, the sound echoing through the quiet morning air.
your heart was racing as you quickly yanked the blinds down, cutting off any possibility of him seeing your red, embarrassed face.
you leaned back against the wall, your hand pressed to your chest as you tried to calm down.
what the hell just happened? was this some new tactic of his to throw you off your game? to mess with your head right before exams?
or⊠was it something else entirely?
for the first time in years, you found yourself truly confused about lee heeseung, and that terrified you.
you tried to push the incident out of your mind, but it clung to your thoughts like a stubborn stain you couldnât scrub away.
that strange encounter with heeseung left you feeling unsettled, his cocky grin and the way his eyes lingered on you making you feel things you didnât want to acknowledge.
flirting. it was definitely flirting. but why? what was his angle?
in the days that followed, things got even weirder.
heeseung, your sworn academic rival, the bane of your existence, had suddenly⊠softened.
the mean remarks, the casual tauntsâgone.
instead, heâd been acting almost⊠considerate?
you noticed it first when you were walking into class one morning, arms full with textbooks and a coffee in hand.
normally, heeseung would be the first to slip in front of you and let the door slam shut in your faceâjust to get under your skin, of course.
but that morning, he held the door open for you, his eyes meeting yours briefly as he gave you a small nod.
âthanks,â you mumbled, confused but too caught off guard to say anything more.
he didnât say anything eitherâno smug response, no condescending smile.
he just let you walk through the door and quietly followed you inside. the whole thing was⊠unnerving.
then, during class, he didnât try to one-up you during discussions, didnât toss his usual gloating looks your way when he answered a question right before you could.
he was just sitting there, minding his own business.
you couldnât understand it. this wasnât the heeseung you knewâthe heeseung youâd spent years battling, exchanging insults, and outdoing each other.
this version of him, quiet and strangely kind, threw you off balance, and it only got worse.
in the hallways, heeseung started greeting.
not with his usual sarcasm, but with a simple, âhey.â sometimes, heâd even smile at youâan actual smile, not that infuriating smirk he usually wore.
you didnât know what to do with it. your brain felt like it was short-circuiting every time he looked at you, like you couldnât reconcile this new heeseung with the one who had spent years making your blood boil.
it wasnât just you who noticed the change, eitherâyour friends started giving you weird looks every time heeseung passed by without some snarky comment.
one day, your friend mina leaned over during lunch and whispered, âwhatâs up with heeseung? heâs been acting like⊠different lately.â
âi donât know,â you muttered, stabbing at your food with more force than necessary. âmaybe heâs finally grown up.â mina raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced.
âor maybe heâs just tired of pretending to hate you.â
you nearly choked on your drink. âwhat?â
âcome on,â mina said, smirking. âitâs obvious. heeseungâs been obsessed with you for years. heâs probably just finally figured out that he actually likes you.â
you scoffed, shaking your head. âthatâs ridiculous. heeseung hates me. weâve been rivals since we were kids.â
mina shrugged. ârivals, sure. but that doesnât mean he hates you. sometimes people use rivalry as an excuse to get close to someone.â
you didnât want to believe it. you couldnât believe it. heeseung liking you? it made no sense.
he was obnoxious, arrogant, and had made your life hell for years.
there was no way he suddenly had feelings for you. no. it was all some gameâsome twisted strategy to throw you off your game. right?
but then there was that nagging feeling deep inside, the one you didnât want to acknowledgeâ the same ones you felt not too many years ago.
the one that kept reminding you of how your heart had skipped a beat when you saw him shirtless through the window.
how your pulse quickened every time he smiled at you now, even if you hated to admit it.
the realization was creeping in slowly, like a slow, dread filled idea building in your chest.
the truth was, heeseung had always been more than just your rival. heâd always been the one person who could get under your skin in ways no one else could.
and maybe, there was something thereâsomething that went beyond the rivalry.
but before you could make sense of it, everything had changed again.
a few days later, you noticed a new face in school.
she was strikingâtall, with long, dark hair and a bright smile that seemed to light up the room.
she moved through the hallways with an air of confidence, making friends effortlessly.
within days, it felt like everyone knew her nameâyou quickly learned her name too: haerin.
at first, you didnât pay much attention to her.
she was new, sure, but you had more important things to worry aboutâlike the upcoming exams.
but then you noticed something that made your stomach twist in a way you couldnât explain.
heeseung was spending time with herâa lot of time.
you saw them together between classes, walking side by side, talking and laughing.
heeseung, who had been oddly nice to you lately, now seemed to be focusing all his attention on this new girl.
it was subtle at firstâjust casual conversations, a friendly smile here and thereâbut soon, you started seeing them together all the time.
and it wasnât just their proximity that bothered you. it was the way they were so⊠touchy.
heeseung would lean in close when he talked to her, his hand brushing her arm casually as he laughed at something she said.
sheâd playfully nudge him back, her eyes sparkling.
it was the kind of easy, natural closeness that made you feel sick to your stomach.
jealousy was a foreign emotion for youâespecially when it came to lee heeseung.
youâd never thought youâd care about who he spent time withâbut seeing him with haerin, seeing how comfortable they were together, made something ugly and bitter rise in your chest.
you couldnât shake the feeling that you were being replaced.
that whatever strange connection you and heeseung had been developing was being overshadowed by this new girl.
as much as you tried to ignore it, the jealousy gnawed at you.
you couldnât help but compare yourself to haerinâshe was charming, effortlessly likable.
she fit in with heeseungâs world in a way that you never could.
you were his rival, his equal in competition, but haerin? she was someone who made him smile without the sharp edges.
you hated it. hated how it made you feel. hated how you started to question if heeseung had ever really changed at all, or if he had just been playing some long game with you.
days passed, and heeseungâs attention on haerin only seemed to grow.
they were inseparable now, and every time you saw them together, your heart clenched painfully.
the worst part was, heeseung barely even looked at you anymore.
he had stopped greeting you in the hallways, stopped holding the door for you, stopped leaving those lingering glances that had started to make your stomach flip.
it felt like you were disappearing from his world.
but maybe that was for the best, you thoughtâmaybe heeseung was never meant to be anything more than your rival.
and maybe you were just fooling yourself into thinking there could be something more.
you had always prided yourself on your confidence.
in all the years you spent locked in competition with heeseung, youâd never doubted your abilities.
sure, he was goodâannoyingly goodâbut so were you.
you matched him step for step, beat him sometimes, and when you didnât, you got back up, ready to fight again.
but now, something was shifting, and it had nothing to do with grades or exams.
it had everything to do with haerin.
insecurity was new for you, but it was impossible to ignore, everywhere you looked, she was thereâlaughing with heeseung, brushing against him like theyâd known each other for years, not just a couple of weeks.
they were so casual with each other, so comfortable.
you told yourself it didnât matter, that heeseungâs friendships didnât affect you.
but it did. it was starting to eat away at you, piece by piece.
what was worse was that you found yourself wondering why it wasnât you.
why had heeseung been so kind to you one minute and then completely shifted his attention to someone else?
had all those smiles, those lingering glances, meant nothing? maybe youâd misread everything.
maybe it had never been anything more than a temporary truce in your endless battle.
but no matter how much you tried to brush it off, the truth was impossible to denyâyou were jealous.
you hated that it felt like haerin was taking your place in heeseungâs life.
you hated the way she made him laugh so easilyâand most of all, you hated how small and insignificant it made you feel.
and then came the final straw.
it was a friday afternoon, the cafeteria bustling with noise as students crowded around tables for lunch.
you were sitting with your usual group, mina chatting about some drama sheâd seen on tv, but your attention was elsewhereâlocked on the sight of heeseung and haerin across the room.
they were sitting together, as usualâhaerin was leaning in close, whispering something that made heeseung throw his head back in laughter.
your chest tightened at the sightâyou tried to look away, to focus on minaâs story, but it was impossible.
that green, bitter feeling of jealousy twisted in your stomach, making you feel sick.
âare you even listening?â minaâs voice broke through your thoughts, and you blinked, turning back to her.
âyeah, sorry,â you muttered, forcing a smile. âjust⊠tired, i guess.â
mina raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but before she could say anything, someone approached your table.
it was haerin.
you looked up, startled to see her standing there with a carton of milk in hand, a sweet smile on her face.
but there was something about her expression that felt⊠off.
her eyes gleamed with a certain smugness that sent warning bells ringing in your mind.
âoopsââ haerinâs voice was sickeningly sweet as she âaccidentallyâ tipped the milk carton over, sending the liquid spilling across the table and right into your lap.
your entire body stiffened as the cold milk soaked through your clothes, shock momentarily paralyzing you.
the cafeteria seemed to go quiet around you as everyone turned to look at the scene unfolding.
haerinâs smile didnât waver for a second.
âoh my god, iâm so sorry!â she exclaimed, though there wasnât a trace of sincerity in her voice. âthat was totally an accident!â
you could feel your pulse pounding in your ears as your mind raced to process what had just happened.
the milk was cold, seeping into your uniform, but that was the least of your concerns.
you knew it wasnât an accident. haerin had done it on purpose, and judging by the look in her eyes, she wanted to humiliate you in front of everyone.
for a second, you felt frozenâthe room was watching, the sound of whispers starting to make its way through the crowd as they waited to see what you would do.
âit wasnât an accident,â you said, your voice sharp and louder than you intended.
you stood up abruptly, glaring at haerin. âyou did that on purpose.â
haerinâs smile didnât falterâshe tilted her head, feigning innocence as she blinked at you.
âi donât know what youâre talking about. it was just an accident, really. no need to get so upset.â
the fake sweetness in her voice set your teeth on edge.
anger bubbled up in your chest, mixing with the hurt and insecurity youâd been bottling up for days.
âthatâs a lie,â you snapped. âyouâve been trying to mess with me since you got here.â
the whispers around you grew louder as people leaned in, watching the confrontation unfold.
haerinâs eyes flickered with amusement, but before you could say anything else, a familiar voice cut through the tension.
âhey, whatâs going on here?â
you turned to see heeseung standing a few steps away, his brows furrowed in confusion as he looked between you and haerin.
for a moment, relief washed over you. heeseung had seen everything, right? heâd understand what was happening, and for once, heâd take your side.
but then haerin turned her wide, innocent eyes on him, her lower lip jutting out in a perfect pout.
âi accidentally spilled milk on her,â she said, her voice soft. âbut she thinks i did it on purpose. i donât know why sheâs so madâŠâ
you watched in disbelief as heeseungâs expression softened.
he glanced at you, but there was no anger in his eyesâonly frustration.
âcome on,â he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. âit was an accident. donât make a big deal out of it.â
your heart sank.
you couldnât believe what you were hearingâheeseung was taking her side? after everything youâd been through, after all the strange kindness heâd shown you in the past few days, he was choosing to believe her over you?
âthatâs not what happened!â you shouted, your voice breaking with frustration. âshe did it on purpose! you sawââ
âjust drop it,â heeseung said, cutting you offâhis tone was tired, as if this whole situation was just an inconvenience to him.
âyouâre seriously overreacting.â
the words hit you like a punch to the gut. overreacting? he was dismissing youâagain.
something in you snappedâwithout another word, you turned on your heel and bolted from the cafeteria, ignoring the whispers and stares that followed.
the humiliation, the betrayalâit was too much to bear.
you found yourself in the empty janitorâs room, the quiet darkness swallowing you whole.
you slid down the wall, burying your face in your hands as the tears finally came.
everything hurtâyour pride, your heart, and the foolish hope youâd had that heeseung might actually care about you.
the cold, dim room was silent, except for your quiet sobs.
you tried to keep them in, biting your lip, but the tears just kept coming.
your hands trembled as they gripped your knees, pulling yourself into a ball on the floor of the empty janitorâs room.
it was the only place you could think to hide, the only place where no one would find you in this humiliating state.
you couldnât believe how things had turned outâeverything was a mess.
not just the milk soaking into your uniform, but the betrayal from heeseung, the stupid jealousy you felt toward haerin, and the way the entire cafeteria had seen you break down.
your head spun with anger and sadness, and no matter how hard you tried to calm yourself, the tears kept flowing.
then, there was a soft knock on the door.
you stiffened, wiping your face furiously with the back of your sleeve.
whoever it was, you didnât want them to see you like this.
but before you could pull yourself together, the door creaked open, and a familiar figure stepped inside.
âhey⊠are you okay?â
jake sim?
you blinked up at him, confused, you hadnât expected anyone to come looking for you, least of all jakeâheeseungâs rival on the basketball court and someone youâd barely spoken to outside of class.
he closed the door behind him, giving you a soft, understanding smile as he crouched down in front of you.
you sniffed, quickly wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.
âwhat are you doing here?â you asked, your voice still shaky. jake shrugged, sitting down beside you on the cold floor.
âi saw what happened in the cafeteria. i figured you might want to be alone, but⊠i also thought you could use some company.â
you looked away, embarrassed that heâd witnessed everythingâthe last thing you wanted was for anyone to see you like this, but at the same time, the quiet sympathy in his voice was oddly comforting.
âi donât need company,â you muttered, but the words lacked conviction.
jake chuckled softly. âmaybe not, but iâm staying anyway.â for a few moments, neither of you said anything.
jake sat beside you in silence, giving you space to collect your thoughtsâit was strange how easy it felt to be around him.
even though youâd never been particularly close, his presence wasnât overwhelming or intrusive. it was just⊠there, solid and dependable.
finally, you sighed, leaning your head back against the wall. âit was her,â you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
âhaerin. she did it on purpose.â
jake nodded. âi figured. sheâs been hanging around heeseung a lot lately. guess she thought picking a fight with you would get her more attention.â
you clenched your fists, feeling the anger bubble up again. âand heeseung⊠he just believed her. he didnât even listen to me. he just⊠told me to drop it, like it didnât matter.â
jake was silent for a moment, then sighed, running a hand through his hair.
âyeah, that wasnât cool of him. i donât know whatâs going on with heeseung, but what he did today was wrong. you deserved better than that.â
the simple validation of your feelings made something inside you crack open.
you hadnât realized how much you needed to hear thatâhow much you needed someone to understand what you were going through.
âthank you,â you whispered, your voice barely audible.
jake smiled at you, the kind of smile that felt genuine and warm. âanytime.â
for a while, you sat there in silence, letting the tension of the day slowly nib away in jakeâs quiet company.
it was strangeâthis was the first real conversation youâd ever had with him, but somehow, it felt like youâd known him for longer.
there was no awkwardness, no pressure to fill the silence with unnecessary words. he was just⊠there.
after a while, you finally spoke again. âwhy are you being so nice to me?â you asked, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.
jake chuckled softly. âis it that surprising?â
âa little,â you admitted. âi mean, weâve never really talked before.â
he nodded thoughtfully. âtrue, but iâve seen you around. weâre in the same class, and youâre heeseungâs biggest rival. i guess i always admired how you handled him.â
you raised an eyebrow, surprised. âadmired?â
âyeah,â he said with a smile. âheeseung can be a lot to deal with, but you never back down. youâre tough, and youâre not afraid to butt heads with him. thatâs not something everyone can do.â
you blinked, taken aback by the sincerity in his voice.
no one had ever put it that way beforeâmost people saw your rivalry with heeseung as petty or competitive, but jake seemed to see something more.
something you hadnât even realized about yourself.
âthanks,â you murmured, unsure of what else to say.
jake gave you another easy smile. âno problem. and hey, if you ever need someone to vent to, iâm here. heeseung might be my rival on the court, but that doesnât mean iâm on his side when it comes to this.â
for the first time all day, you felt a small, genuine smile tug at your lips.
jakeâs kindness, his quiet reassurance, was exactly what you needed.
he didnât try to fix everything or offer empty words of comfort. he just listened, and somehow, that made all the difference.
âthanks, jake,â you said softly. âi really do appreciate it.â
âanytime,â he replied with a grin, standing up and offering you a hand to help you off the floor.
you hesitated for a moment, then took it, letting him pull you to your feet.
as you both made your way out of the janitorâs room, you couldnât help but feel a little lighter, like some of the weight on your chest had lifted.
jakeâs unexpected kindness had done more to heal the hurt than youâd expected.
and as you walked side by side back to class, you realized that maybe, this was the beginning of a new friendship.
over the next few days, something unexpected happenedâyou found yourself spending more time with jake.
jake made everything feel a little easier, a little lighter, and you didnât feel the constant pressure to put up walls around him.
at first, it was just small moments here and there, like passing each other in the hallways and exchanging knowing smiles, or sitting together during lunch when mina was busy.
with jake, there were no mind games, no intense competition, and definitely no betrayal.
the first time you laughed with him in class, you almost forgot the sting of what had happened with heeseungâalmost.
it was small things at first. jake would crack a joke when you were feeling down, or lean over during study periods to ask a random question that had nothing to do with school but everything to do with making you smile.
he had this easygoing charm about him, the kind that made it impossible to stay mad or sad for long.
and, of course, heeseung noticed.
it was hard not to. you and jake had started walking to and from classes together, and every time heeseung passed by, you could feel his eyes on you.
he didnât say anything at first, but there was something in the way he looked at you that made your skin prickleâlike he was trying to figure something out, something that was just out of his reach.
one afternoon, you were sitting with jake outside, taking in the rare moment of sunshine between classes.
jake had just told a terrible joke, the kind that made you laugh even though it was ridiculous, and you couldnât help but lean into him, playfully nudging his shoulder.
âreally, jake? thatâs the best youâve got?â you teased, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye as your laughter faded.
âhey, i donât see you coming up with anything better,â he shot back, grinning.
his smile was infectious, and you felt a warm comfort wash over you.
it was nice, being able to relax like thisâsomething you hadnât realized you needed until now.
but then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him.
heeseung stood a few feet away, watching you and jake with a look that was hard to read.
his jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed slightly, and for a moment, you couldâve sworn you saw something close to frustration flash across his face.
you immediately straightened up, the laughter dying in your throat as you met his gaze.
heeseung didnât move, didnât say anything, but the tension between the three of you was thick.
jake noticed too, his smile fading slightly as he glanced between you and heeseung, clearly picking up on the strange energy.
âheeseung,â jake greeted casually, though his tone was a little less cheerful than before. âyou need something?â
heeseungâs eyes flickered from jake to you, and for a brief second, you saw something in themâsomething sharp and raw.
he shook his head, his expression unreadable. âno,â he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. âjust passing by.â
you bit the inside of your cheek, unsure of what to say.
there was an awkwardness in the air, a tension that hadnât been there before, and you couldnât help but feel like something unspoken was simmering beneath the surface.
but before you could figure out what it was, heeseung turned and walked away without another word, leaving you and jake in a strange, uncomfortable silence.
jake sighed, running a hand through his hair. âheeseung sure knows how to kill a vibe, huh?â
you tried to laugh, but it came out weak and forced. âyeahâŠâ
but your mind was already elsewhereâon the look in heeseungâs eyes, the way his shoulders had tensed when he saw you and jake laughing together.
heeseung had never been one to back down from anything, but now it seemed like he was avoiding you.
and it didnât make senseâone minute, he was pushing your buttons, flirting with you through the window, and the next, he was⊠distant. cold.
you couldnât shake the feeling that something had shifted between you two, and you didnât know how to fix it.
worse, you didnât even know if you wanted to.
that night, as you sat at your desk pretending to study, you caught a flicker of movement outside your window.
your heart skipped a beat, and before you could stop yourself, you glanced over to see heeseungâs figure illuminated in the soft glow of his desk lamp.
your eyes locked for a moment.
then, heeseung did something that took you completely by surprise.
he reached down, grabbed something from the floor, and with a flick of his wrist, tossed a small rock at your window.
it hit with a soft tap, not loud enough to startle you, but enough to catch your attention.
you hesitated, unsure of what he wanted.
heeseung hadnât thrown rocks at your window since you were kids, back when your rivalry was less serious and more playfulâ back when you could actually call lee heeseung one of your best friends.
now, the gesture felt strangeâalmost nostalgic in a way that made your chest tighten.
still, you couldnât ignore himâyou pushed the window up, letting in the cool evening air, and leaned out slightly, your voice low as you called over to him.
âwhat do you want?â
heeseungâs face was mostly in shadow, but you could see the tension in his jaw, the way his fingers gripped the edge of his window as if he was holding something back.
âi need to talk to you,â he said, his voice quieter than you expected. ânow.â
you frowned, your heartbeat quickening. âabout what?â
âjust open your window,â he muttered, his voice strained. there was something different in his toneâsomething vulnerable, almost desperate.
it wasnât like the confident, cocky heeseung you knew. and that was what made you hesitate.
but after a long pause, you sighed and opened the window a little wider, waiting for whatever he had to say.
you stood at your window, the cool night air brushing against your skin, as heeseungâs figure shifted in his room across from yours.
he was still gripping the windowsill, his posture stiff and tense.
the silence between you stretched, uncomfortable and heavy, until finally, you couldnât take it anymore.
âwhat do you want, heeseung?â you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.
the wound from the cafeteria incident was still fresh, the memory of him siding with haerin burning in your chest.
for a second, heeseung didnât respond, his lips pressed into a thin line, his jaw clenched tight as if he was struggling with what to say.
then, finally, he let out a long breath, and his shoulders slumped, just a little.
âwhy are you hanging out with jake?â he asked, his voice low and strained.
you blinked, caught off guard by the question. âwhat?â
heeseungâs hand ran through his hair in frustration.
âjake. youâve been hanging out with him a lot lately. laughing with him, spending time with himâŠâ his voice trailed off, and when his eyes met yours again, there was a flash of something vulnerable in themâsomething you hadnât seen before. âwhy him?â
anger flared inside youâafter everything that had happened, after he had humiliated you in front of everyone, this was what he cared about? who you were spending time with?
âwhy does it matter?â you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. âwhat, youâre allowed to spend all your time with haerin, but i canât hang out with jake?â
heeseung winced at the mention of haerin, but he didnât back down.
âthatâs not what this is aboutââ
âthen what is it about?â you shot back, your voice rising with frustration. âbecause from where iâm standing, it seems like youâre just jealous.â
heeseungâs eyes widened slightly, like he hadnât expected you to say it out loud. âjealous? of jake?â
âyeah,â you said, glaring at him. âyou have no right to question who i spend time with. especially after what you did.â
his brows furrowed in confusion. âwhat are you talking about?â
âthe cafeteria, heeseung!â you practically shouted, the hurt finally spilling over.
âyou took haerinâs side, you embarrassed me in front of everyone, and you didnât even bother to hear me out! and now, youâre mad because iâve been hanging out with jake? after you made it pretty clear you donât care about me at all?â
the words came out harsher than you intended, but once they were out, there was no taking them back.
the raw truth of how much heeseung had hurt you was now laid bare between the two of you, hanging in the air like a thick fog.
heeseungâs expression crumpled. for a moment, he looked utterly lost, his eyes wide with regret and something close to panic.
âiââ he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.
his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, his eyes darting away from yours. âi didnât know. i didnât realizeâŠâ
you let out a bitter laugh, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes.
âof course you didnât heeseung, youâve been too busy with haerin to notice.â
heeseungâs face twisted with frustration. âitâs not like that with her.â
âreally? because it sure seems like it.â your voice was trembling now, the emotional weight of everything threatening to crush you.
âyouâre always with her. you donât even look at me anymore. and when you did have the chance to stand up for me, you didnât. you humiliated me, heeseung. and you didnât care.â
the words hit him like a slap. you could see it in the way his eyes widened, how his hands balled into fists at his sides.
heeseung took a step closer to the window, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. âyou think i didnât care?â
you stayed silent, your heart pounding in your chest.
heeseungâs jaw clenched, and then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he said, âiâve been an idiot. i know that now.â his eyes were locked on yours, and for the first time, you could see the depth of his regret.
âyouâre right. i didnât stand up for you, and i should have. i hurt you, and i hate that i did. but itâs becauseâŠâ
he hesitated, the words catching in his throat.
âitâs because iâve been trying so hard to ignore how i feel about you,â he finally confessed, his voice thick with anxiety.
âiâve spent so long thinking of you as my friendâthen my rival and enemy, as someone i had to beat, that i didnât realize⊠i didnât want to admit that it was more than that.â
your breath caught in your throat.
âiâve been feeling oddâweird around you for a long time,â heeseung continued, his voice cracking slightly.
âbut i didnât know how to deal with it. i pushed you away, acted like a jerk because i was scared. and then haerin showed up, and i thought if i focused on her, maybe i could forget about youâget rid of this feeling, but i couldnât.â
tears welled up in your eyes, and you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall.
you wanted to be angry, wanted to hold on to that hurt and betrayal, but hearing heeseungâs voice crack with vulnerability made it harder.
his words, the way he looked at you, made you feel things you had been trying to deny for so long.
âbut why didnât you defend me?â you asked, your voice breaking.
heeseungâs expression crumpled. âi donât know,â he whispered. âi was stupid. i thought if i stayed out of it, it would just go away. but it didnât. and now iâve ruined everything.â
you stared at him for a long moment, your heart aching with the weight of it all.
heeseung was standing there, tears welling in his own eyes, and for the first time in all the years youâd known him, he looked completely vulnerable.
âi donât know if i can forgive you,â you whispered, your voice trembling. ânot right now.â
heeseung nodded, his lips pressed tightly together as he swallowed hard.
âi understand,â he said softly. âbut please⊠donât shut me out.â
without another word, you shut your window, turning your back on him and collapsing onto your bed, emotions swirling inside you.
even though you had closed the window on him, part of you still wanted to reach out.
the next morning, you woke up feeling emotionally drained.
the conversation with heeseung played over and over in your mind like a broken record player, his voice echoing in your head, repeating those words.
âiâve liked you for a long time.ââyou had wanted to be angry, to stay angry, but now, all you felt was confusion.
did it even matter? heâd hurt you, after all.
that shouldâve been enough to keep the walls youâd built between the two of you intact.
but something inside you had softened at seeing him so vulnerable, so broken.
youâd seen a side of him you werenât sure anyone else had ever seen.
as you made your way to school, you told yourself that things would go back to normal.
youâd ignore heeseung like you always did, keep your distance, and focus on the things that matteredâyour studies, your friendship with jake, anything but heeseung.
but the moment you walked into the classroom, all of that went out the window.
there, sitting on your desk, was a small carton of strawberry milkâyour favorite.
you stopped in your tracks, blinking in confusionâthe bright pink carton stood out against the plain wooden surface of your desk, and for a moment, you thought it had to be some kind of mistake.
but then you saw itâ a folded note tucked underneath the carton.
with cautious fingers, you reached for the note and unfolded it. the handwriting was familiar, neat and precise.
âiâm sorry.â
that was itâno explanation, no signature, but you didnât need one.
you knew exactly who it was from. your heart gave an involuntary flutter, and you quickly stuffed the note into your bag before anyone could see it.
your eyes darted to heeseungâs seat across the room.
he was already there, sitting with his head resting on his hand, staring at the window as if he hadnât just left a peace offering on your desk.
he didnât look at you, didnât acknowledge you, but you could feel the tension radiating off him, like he was waiting for you to react.
you bit your lip, unsure of what to doâyou wanted to stay mad at him, wanted to cling to the hurt and anger from yesterday, but this⊠this small gesture of apology tugged at something deep inside you.
heeseung wasnât one to apologize easily. you knew that. he was proud, stubborn, and always had to win. but this? this was different. it wasnât much, but it was something.
before you could figure out how to feel about it, the bell rang, and the classroom began to fill with students.
you slid into your seat, trying to ignore the flutter in your chest as the day began.
over the next few days, it became a pattern.
every morning, when you arrived at school, there was something waiting for you on your deskâa carton of strawberry milk, a small packet of your favorite snacks, even a neatly folded handkerchief after gym class when youâd been sweating.
each gift came with the same simple noteââiâm sorry.â
it was starting to drive you crazy.
heeseung didnât say a word to you during class, didnât try to talk to you between periods, but his quiet gestures of apology were impossible to ignore.
the other students had started to notice too, whispering to each other whenever they saw the latest offering on your desk.
âwhatâs going on with you and heeseung?â mina asked one day at lunch, her eyebrows raised in suspicion. âheâs been acting so⊠weird lately.â
you shrugged, trying to play it off like it wasnât a big deal. âi donât know. heâs just⊠apologizing, i guess.â
minaâs eyes widened. âapologizing? for what?â
you hesitated, unsure of how much to tell herâmina didnât know about the confrontation in the cafeteria, didnât know how much heeseungâs words had hurt you.
and honestly, you didnât feel like reliving it. so instead, you just sighed. âitâs complicated.â
mina gave you a look, clearly not satisfied with your vague answer, but thankfully she didnât push it.
instead, she glanced over at jake, who had been sitting quietly beside you, picking at his food.
âwhat do you think about all this?â she asked, nudging him playfully. âyou and heeseung have always been rivals too, right?â
jake glanced up, his expression thoughtful âyeah, weâre rivals on the court,â he said, his voice casual. âbut i donât really care about that. if heâs apologizing, maybe heâs finally realized he messed up.â
you looked over at jake, feeling a wave of gratitude for his support.
he had been there for you when you needed someone, and now, more than ever, you appreciated his calm, steady presence.
he didnât make a big deal out of the situation, didnât push you to confront heeseung before you were ready. he just⊠understood.
jake caught your eye and smiled, and for a moment, you felt a sense of calm wash over you.
but of course, that peace didnât last long.
later that afternoon, as you were walking through the hall with jake, laughing at one of his dumb jokes, you felt someone grab your wrist.
you stopped, your laughter dying on your lips as you turned to see heeseung standing there, his grip firm but not painful.
his eyes were intense, his jaw set in determination.
âcome with me,â he muttered, his voice low and urgent.
you blinked, confused. âwhat? whereââ
âjust⊠come on.â heeseung didnât give you a chance to argue. he tugged you along, pulling you toward the stairwell that led up to the rooftop.
jake called after you, his voice tinged with concern, but you were already too far down the hall to stop.
your heart pounded in your chest as heeseung led you up the stairs, the quiet intensity of the moment making your head spin.
when you finally reached the rooftop, he let go of your wrist and turned to face you, his expression conflicted, like he didnât know whether to yell or beg for your forgiveness.
âwhat are you doing, heeseung?â you asked, your voice shaky with confusion and anger.
âi need to talk to you,â he said, his voice quiet but desperate. âabout everything.â
the rooftop was quiet, other than the soft rustling of the wind and the distant chatter of the school below.
you stood there, facing heeseung, your heart pounding in your chest.
the tension between the two of you was thick, and the silence stretched on, filled with the weight of everything unsaid.
âwhat are we doing here?â you demanded, your voice sharper than you intended.
you were still reeling from the suddenness of it allâone moment youâd been laughing with jake, and the next, heeseung was dragging you up here like something urgent was at stake.
heeseung ran a hand through his hair, frustration clear on his face.
âi needed to get you away from him,â he muttered, avoiding your gaze.
âfrom jake?â you asked in bewilderment, your anger flaring up again. âwhat does jake have to do with this?â
heeseung finally looked at you, his eyes dark and intense. âeverything. heâsâheâs not the one you should be with.â
you stared at him, stunned. âexcuse me? what gives you the right to say that?â
âi know,â heeseung said quickly, holding up his hands in a gesture that almost seemed like surrender.
âi know i donât have the right. but i canât stand watching you with him any longer.â
your chest tightened as his words hung in the airâyou didnât know what to say.
part of you wanted to snap back, to tell him that he had no business being jealous after what he did.
but the other part of youâ the part that had been waiting for him to say somethingâwas finally starting to understand.
heeseungâs voice softened, and he took a small step closer to you. âeven if weâre enemies, even if weâve always been rivals, i would never side with jake. i would never choose someone over you.â
you blinked, your mind racing. his words made no sense. âthen why didnât you defend me in the cafeteria?â your voice cracked, and you hated how vulnerable you sounded, but the hurt was still there, sharp and raw.
heeseung flinched at the question, his jaw tightening. âi told youâ i donât know,â he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper.
âit was stupid. i didnât realize how much i was hurting you. and when i saw you with jakeâŠâ
he trailed off, his eyes searching yours, desperate for you to understand what he was struggling to say.
âwhen you saw me with jake, what?â you pushed, your voice quieter now, the anger fading away into something softer.
heeseung swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving yours.
âwhen i saw you with him, i realized how much i messed up. i realized that i was losing you, and i didnât know what to do.â he took another step closer, his eyes filled with regret.
âiâve been trying to ignore it for so longâthese feelings i have for you. but i canât anymore.â
your breath hitched at his confession, and for a moment, you didnât know how to respond.
heeseung, the person youâd spent your entire life competing with, the person who had always been rude and cocky, was standing in front of you, confessing that he liked you?
âfeelings?â you echoed, your voice barely audible.
heeseung nodded, his expression raw and vulnerable in a way youâd never seen before.
âyeah. iâve liked you for a long time, but i didnât know how to handle it. so i pushed you away. i made everything about our rivalry because i didnât know what else to do.â
his words hit you like a wave, crashing over you and leaving you breathless.
you didnât know how to process it, didnât know how to reconcile the heeseung youâd always known with the one standing in front of you now, baring his soul.
âi hurt you,â heeseung continued, his voice trembling slightly. âand iâm sorry. iâm so sorry. but i canât stand the thought of you being with someone else. i donât want to be your rival anymore. i donât want to lose you.â
you stared at him, your heart pounding, your mind racing with thoughts.
this was everything youâd been trying to ignore, everything youâd pushed aside because you didnât want to acknowledge the feelings that had been building up between you.
but now, standing here, with heeseung looking at you like he was afraid you were going to slip away, you couldnât deny it any longer.
âiâŠâ your voice faltered, your throat tight with emotion. âyouâre an idiot.â
heeseung blinked, startled. âwhat?â
âyouâre an idiot,â you repeated, shaking your head as a small, incredulous laugh escaped your lips.
âyou spent all this time pushing me away when you could have just told me the truth earlier.â
heeseung opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, you closed the distance between you in one fast motion, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down into a kiss.
for a second, heeseung froze, clearly shocked by your sudden move.
but then, he kissed you back, his hands coming up to gently cup your face.
the kiss was soft, slow at first, but it quickly deepened as all the tension between you melted away.
it was like everything youâd been holding back, all the unspoken words, all the bottled-up emotions, were finally being released in that moment.
heeseungâs lips were warm and gentle, and he kissed you like heâd been wanting to for a long timeâslowly, sweetly, as if he didnât want the moment to end.
your heart raced in your chest, your hands gripping the front of his shirt as you poured all of your frustration, confusion, and affection, into the kiss.
when you finally pulled away, breathless, you stared up at him, your cheeks flushed and your heart pounding.
heeseungâs eyes were wide with surprise, but there was a small, almost dazed smile tugging at his lips.
âi⊠i didnât expect that,â he whispered, his voice shaky.
you smiled, feeling a strange sense of relief wash over you. âyouâre such an idiot,â you said again, but this time, there was no bite to your wordsâjust warmth.
heeseung let out a soft laugh, his eyes crinkling at the edges. âyeah,â he agreed, his voice thick with emotion. âi am.â
without thinking, you kissed him again, softer this time, more sure of yourself.
and as his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close, you realized that this was exactly where you were supposed to be.
the next day at school, everything felt different. it was subtle at firstâa kind of quiet shift in the air that made you hyper-aware of heeseungâs presence the moment you walked into the classroom.
you werenât used to thisâthe ease, the softness that seemed to have settled between you overnight.
after years of rivalry, the shift from enemies to something more felt almost surreal.
but then you saw himâheeseung sitting at his desk, already glancing over at you the second you stepped through the door.
his usual smirk was gone, replaced by a small, almost shy smile, and it sent a warm flutter through your chest.
you smiled back, the tension from the day before melting away as he held your gaze for just a moment longer than usual.
it was like the rivalry had evaporated overnight, leaving something softer in its place. and yet, the familiarity of your banter remained.
you slid into your seat, feeling a little lighter than you had in weeks.
there was no strawberry milk waiting on your desk this time, no snacks or apology notes, but the absence didnât bother you.
the fact that heeseung had taken the time to talk to you, to open up the way he had, was more than enough.
still, you couldnât help but notice that people were whispering.
it wasnât loud or obvious, but every so often, youâd catch someone glancing your way, their eyebrows raised in curiosity.
mina, of course, was the first to bring it up.
âwhatâs going on with you and heeseung?â she asked as soon as you sat down for lunch.
her eyes were gleaming with excitement, clearly having picked up on the shift in dynamics. âyou two are acting so different!â
you shrugged, trying to play it off as casually as you could. âwe talked. thatâs all.â
mina narrowed her eyes. âyou talked? come on, you canât tell me something didnât happen. you guys have been enemies for, like, forever, and suddenly youâre all⊠smiley. itâs weird.â
you felt your cheeks heat up, and you looked down at your tray, trying to hide the small grin tugging at the corners of your lips. âitâs complicated.â
before mina could press you further, someone else slid into the seat next to you.
you didnât even need to look up to know who it wasâjake, with his usual easygoing smile and relaxed posture, leaned back in his chair as if he owned the place.
âso, you and heeseung, huh?â jake asked, his tone teasing.
you groaned, burying your face in your hands. ânot you too.â
jake chuckled, nudging you with his elbow. âhey, iâm just happy for you. i mean, after everything that happened⊠well, itâs nice to see you smile again.â
you peeked at him from between your fingers, grateful for his kindness.
jake had been there for you when you needed someone, and youâd grown closer over the past few weeks.
but now, things were different, and while you appreciated his friendship, you couldnât deny the new fluttering feeling that came with thinking about heeseung.
still, you couldnât resist teasing jake a little. âyouâre not jealous, are you?â you asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.
jake laughed, shaking his head. ânah, i could never compete with heeseung. that guyâs got it bad for you.â
the teasing tone in his voice made your cheeks flush, and you were about to reply when someone cleared their throat behind you.
you didnât have to turn around to know who it wasâthe shift in the airâthe quiet intensityâwas unmistakable.
heeseung stood there, his gaze flickering between you and jake, his jaw clenched slightly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
âwhatâs going on here?â he asked, his voice casual but with an underlying edge of jealousy.
jake grinned up at him, completely unfazed by the tension. âjust talking, man. relax.â
heeseung didnât move, his eyes narrowing just a fraction. âright. well, weâve got plans after school, donât we?â his tone was directed at you now, and you couldnât help but notice the slight possessiveness in his voice.
you blinked, caught off guard. âplans?â
heeseungâs lips quirked up into a small smile, his eyes locking onto yours with a look of softness that made your heart race. âyeah. walking home together, remember?â
you tried not to smile too widely, but it was impossible to hide the way your heart fluttered at his words.
jake, ever the instigator, raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.
âoh, so itâs like that now?â he teased, leaning back in his chair. âguess iâll have to find someone else to walk home with.â
heeseung shot him a look that was almost a glare, though there was a playful glint in his eyes. âyeah, you will.â
you rolled your eyes, though a small giggle escaped your lips. âheeseung, youâre being ridiculous.â
heeseung leaned down, resting one hand on the back of your chair as he looked down at you with a grin.
âmaybe,â he admitted, his voice softer now, âbut i donât like sharing.â
the possessiveness in his tone sent a shiver down your spine, but instead of feeling annoyed, you found it⊠oddly endearing.
you nudged him lightly. âyouâre such a child.â
heeseung chuckled, the sound low and warm, before he straightened up, glancing once more at jake. âyouâll be fine without her, right?â
jake waved him off, laughing. âiâll survive, donât worry.â
just as you were about to stand up and leave with heeseung, a voice interrupted the playful atmosphere, slicing through the lightheartedness like a cold breeze.
âheeseung.â
you looked up to see haerin standing a few feet away, her expression unreadable, but there was something in her eyes that made your stomach twist.
she glanced between you and heeseung, her lips pressed into a thin line before she focused on him. âcan we talk? alone.â
heeseungâs body tensed beside you, but instead of acknowledging her request, he tightened his grip on the back of your chair, his attention still fixed on you.
âno, iâm good,â heeseung said flatly, his tone leaving no room for argument.
haerin blinked, clearly not expecting the rejection. âi just wanted toââ
âiâm with someone right now,â heeseung cut her off, his voice firm but calm. âand iâd appreciate it if you left us alone.â
the sting of his words was evident in haerinâs eyes, but she didnât argue.
after a moment, she let out a quiet scoff and walked away, her shoulders tense as she disappeared into the crowd.
you stared at heeseung, surprised by how easily he had brushed her off.
heeseung, who had spent so much time with her recently, was now acting like she didnât even exist.
âwas that necessary?â you asked, raising an eyebrow.
heeseung shrugged, his expression softening as he looked at you. âwhat can i say? iâm done with all the games.â
you felt a warmth spread through your chest, and for a moment, you couldnât help but smile.
the possessiveness, the way heeseung had stood by your side without hesitationâit all made you realize just how much had changed between you two.
as the day went on, the whispers and curious glances from your classmates only grew louder.
everyone seemed to be talking about you and heeseung, but you didnât mind.
in fact, you kind of liked it. for once, the focus wasnât on your rivalryâit was on something else, something sweeter.
at the end of the day, as promised, heeseung was waiting for you by the school gates.
you spotted him leaning casually against the fence, his hands stuffed in his pockets, but the moment he saw you, his face lit up with that soft smile that made your heart race.
âready to go?â he asked, falling into step beside you as you started walking together.
you nodded, glancing up at him. âyou know everyoneâs talking about us, right?â
heeseung chuckled, shrugging. âlet them talk.â
you rolled your eyes, but there was a lightness to your steps as you walked side by side.
it felt easy, naturalâlike this was how things were always supposed to be.
and for the first time in a long time, the space between you and heeseung wasnât filled with tension or competition.
it was filled with something warmer, something that made your heart feel full.
as you walked, you noticed heeseungâs hand brush against yours, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his.
heeseung glanced down at your hands, a look of surprise crossing his face before his smile widened, his grip tightening around yours.
neither of you said anything for a few minutes, just enjoying the silence and the feeling of walking together.
but eventually, you cleared your throat, glancing up at him with a teasing smile.
âso⊠are we, like, official now?â
heeseung slowed his pace, looking down at you with an amused grin. âofficial?â
âyou know what i mean,â you said, nudging him lightly with your shoulder. âboyfriend and girlfriend.â
heeseungâs expression softened at your words, and he stopped walking, turning to face you fully.
he gently cupped your face with one hand, his thumb brushing lightly over your cheek.
âyeah,â he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur. âi want us to be official. if you do, too.â
your heart swelled at the tenderness in his eyes, and you felt a soft smile spread across your lips. âi do.â
heeseungâs eyes sparkled with something like relief and joy, and before you could say anything else, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a soft, lingering kiss.
it was slow, gentle, and filled with all the unspoken promises of this new chapter you were beginning together.
when he pulled back, you were both smiling, a quiet warmth settling between you.
âgood,â heeseung murmured, pressing his forehead against yours. âbecause iâm not letting you go.â
you laughed softly, your heart feeling lighter than it had in ages. âiâm not going anywhere.â
with that, the two of you continued walking home, hand in hand, your steps perfectly in sync.
and as the sun shimmered down lower in the sky, you knew that this was the start of something beautifulâsomething that had been building for far longer than either of you had realized.
heeseung was no longer just your rivalâhe was your boyfriend.
and honestly? it felt perfect.
© won4kiss 2024
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